THE QUEEN T A K E N . B Y . S J J
THE KING T A K E N . B Y . F Q T
QUEEN'S SPEECH T H E . V E R D I C T
Love ♥ I L O V E Y O UReminiscing ♥ A . P A R T . O F . M Y . L I F E | i miss you
today i went to prayer meeting from 7.30am to 8.30am. with my laogong,soon peng and wilson! i and shannon met up first and went in. the two were late! horhor! then ya prayed. HAHA. then went to eat ban mian >< not bad la. HAHA! then chit chat with them. then heard some stories of a "a leopard never change its spots". haha!heard he got GIRLFRIENDSSSSS. OMGOSH! he has and had GIRLFRIENDssssss! im so surprise la. maybe girls are attracted to his sweet talks? GO BUY BUBBLETEA ba! i miss stonefish badly. been so long never meet up ): hmmm. maybe it feels nothing, but just to let stonefish knows that dolphin do miss him. will stonefish come to dolphin's blog and view? well.. dolphin never ask for that much, but hope that stonefish do come(: at least, dolphin will feel cared by stonefish. 0 comment[s] | back to topFATHER's DAY
HAD A GOOD SERVICE AT CHURCH ABOUT FATHERS.HAHA. yesterday my cg go bugis. due to too far, and that my parents may come and fetch me, i didn't go. then went to fellowship with kor's cg. as expected, went to jurong east to play DDR. ERMS. im lousy at DDR la. kor is so much better. he still dance DOUBLE sia. PRO man!!! today is........ F ull of MANness A mazing T houghtful DAY H yper E steem builder R espected i didnt quarrel with my family(: went to eat sakura. I TELL YOU ALL WHAT. if you put salmon for too long and loses it's freshness, ADD ICE CREAM! it takes the taste away. AND I PROMISE! IT"S NICER!! then ya..went home. then sleep lo. HAHAHAHA!! im glad that at least this year we take FATHER's DAY quite as someting la. didn't buy anything for him, cos no money. but went to sakura to celebrate ma. HEH. am glad that at least my family is happy(: WOOHOO! PAPA, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! 0 comment[s] | back to topAFTER BIG BANG
PRAISE THE LORD!I CAN GO FOR BIG BANG! haha! THANKS THOSE WHO PRAYED FOR ME(: well.. actually.. iie had alot of things i wan to do during the camp. but haha. once again, i procrastinate. ><0 *sigh* you know how much i wan to take ownership of alot of things. share my thought and play like never before? but.... welll.... didn't.. 1 reason is cos dirty water splashed onto me and i kena INFLAMMATION btw my legs. was struggling la.. became abit moody liao. then something else happen also la, of coursse. sometimes when someone who seems close to you, are not close to you in real life, it simplys feel very saddist. just hope that everything din happen. but things have happened and i simply needs to think of what to do the next step. there is no turning back. there's no U-TURN anymore. OF COURSE! I HAVE FUN TOO LA! #chronicles of ubin# WOOTS.it's a nice game. (",) then the day 2. was fun about the DRAMA thingy. hahas!!GOOD WORK NUMBER ONE!^^ then comes the encounter night. hmmmmmms......... i reach out to ming hua. ya..in the beginning he keeps on saying no. then in the end took the courage to go to the front. then when came to the front,say no again. i ask why,he just shakes his head. SIGH! i already very FAN and SAD le. but i must be mad! I SHOWED HIM MY DISAPPOINTMENT. didn't hide my emotions at all. and the reason he gave me is that he scare he do it cos of me. SIGHHH! what you talking man? if you are going to fear this and that, when will you be able to go on?>< sometimes it's just so hard to persuade. im not yet familiar with GOD's things and dare not simply explain. then i already lost in the beginning. HAIS! i think i just leave all those reach outs to my members. so when he agrees, he will not think is because of me. >< i encountered NOTHING! bust with emotions! going to REPENT! PRAY PRAY PRAY! well.. then went around with shannon,soon peng,austin,bryan,KC,wilson. then began chatting then MY came and talk.. hmmms..then went to the shelter. take photos =X i happily sing song.HAHAS. =* then went to bath then 4 plus sleep le. TIRED! sleep like no tomoro. but still end up charge up. HAHAs. maybe im tired and not aware? HAHA. THANK YOU ALL THE LEADERS AND HELPERS AND CHEER LEADERS FOR MAKING THIS CAMP POSSIBLE! PUT IN SO MUCH EFFORT TO PLAN ALL THESE NICE GAMES. XD 0 comment[s] | back to topwell well well
at last i manage to borrow comp and update. ever since my last post, so much things happen.. hmmms. UPS AND DOWNS.. UPS AND DOWNS.. well well well... my parents son't allow me to go for BIG BANG camp. PRAY FOR ME pleaseee~ iie am dying tuu go for this camp la.. and yoo know what? iie try tuu be good by washing my family clothes everyday. iie do hope that iie let them see my change. show them that going to church is not just about PLAY! although i don't seems filial, dont seems nice.. but sincerely,i do care and worry. just that i choose to shuddup to prevent more anger. in the past i always flare up, shout,scream,bang things and scold bad words.. iie find that it is useless.. so i choose to swallow it down physically and surrender it to GOD all my hurts,my river of tears and anger. sometimes i feel im at the edge of becoming mad. but. FOR WHAT? now i feel that im so immature. i have something that out there stiu alot of peepos dont have. I HAVE A LOVING GOD! a god who LOVES me no matter who i am. a god who is THERE FOR ME where ever i am, a god who can heals my hurt! what's there to be mad? it's just my childish thinking. my stubborn mindset, that i refuse to let go this hurts! I PRAY IN JESUS's NAME, CAST OUT ALL THIS TEMPTATIONS and OPPOSITIONS from peepos around me! there are so much i wann to do.. just so much. yet always restricted by my parents. BUT! I WON'T GIVE UP NOR WILL I GIVE IN. i won't argue but i will PRAY! i won't fight harshly against them but try to persuade them. i just wish my love and change will touch them. <3 message to my mum, i don't know when will you be able to read this. but i just wan to write this before something happens to me the next sec. mum, you know i love you,don't you? i admit all my mistakes of the past and thank you for your forgiveness. you know whenever i rebel against you, i feel hurt, but it is all buried under my anger. yes,i feel. yes,i can understand to an extent. but mum, i hope you understand that i go to church not for my friends, not for playing, not to rebel you, but to CHANGE MYSELF, CHANGE OUR FAMILY. maybe you don't see any growth, but that is because you didn't view little improvement as gold. to me,i treasure every little tiny improvement. you said that i always want praise. that's because you never praised me. yes i did so much of bad things and upset you, but i've been changing.. your words to me is so important to me. do you know? whenever i fall down.. i wish that i can hear a simple encouragement from you.. and that is,"never mind, delphine.stand up and try again." do you know that a word of yours can conquer a thousand words of others? do you know why i cry sometimes? is cause i feel that why am i such a shame to you. you know how i feel when you regard me as a child who will not take care of you, how i feel? im tearing in my heart. indeed im a disgrace, but that's all in the past. you say that i always honour friends.. but mum,do you really know the reason? let me share with you a story you never knew. when im in primary school, im bullied..so so much. a teacher named mr liew confiscate my "pikachu game game" that papa n you bought for my first birthday present. i didnt lie but i reali did not play it during lesson. i only took out during recess to check on it. and im sabo touched. im a pest in my school, so,expectedly so am i in class. the pets tell mr liew and it got confiscated. i plead,i cry and i beg. but he just don't return to me and dont believe what i say. this is the very first hurt i ever felt. i cry for months.but you din see it because you are in malaysia and when i reach home from sch by sch bus,it's alreay 9pm. bath and all that i slp le. cause as you know next day i nid to wake up at 4am. there is no time to even talk. that's why you always thought that i was very guai when im young. because all that you see is i go sch,come home,bath and sleep. maybe you feel that it is a small case. but at that age of mine, i cant take it. you are mature and im not at all. i cant take care of my hurts. then the teachers bullied me. whenever it is mr liew's lesson, he will ask me to hide at the corner behind and use the "library cupboard" to block me so that he cant see me. he asks the students to sweep all the dusts to me. the students put all those disgusting in my bags i live my 5 and a half years with tears flowing everyday. teachers call me hooligan. im suspected for every bad case that happens in school. in a week i will enter the principal office for 4days. because so many case happen. and all that they suspect is ME. they use "police" to threaten me. say what if i do,better just say all that. but i didnt. and when to no avail, i will be sent to counselling room. counsel counsel counsel.... im look at as an alien to others. someone different. so,from small, i already been living in my own world. i already know what hurt is. happiness is a illusions to me. im beat up at school by upper primary. alot of people see it, but no one help me. i have no strength... really no strength... i yearn for help.. i ask for help,but everyone just stood by,LOOK and LAUGH and COMMENT. food you prepared for me like bread, it's all snatched and stepped by others. at that time i only have 50cents for recess with bread. but i face distortion from upper primary.. you may ask whi i didnt complain to teachers. this is the part you won't understand. i did. but they took me as a clown. a liar.no one believes me. no justice is done for me at all. my life became unfair and my soul became unbalanced. I HATE!yes!I HATE!I DETEST! no matter what i do, im SIMPLY NOTHING! no help? who will help me? papa working,you cant come to singapore. i lived in fear,in sadness and anger. who can understand the deep agony of my soul? then i joined the band. i remembered so clearly. the first time audition. the conductor ask me to sing "DO", i did and was chosen. the whole room people reject the idea. everyone try to persuade the conductor not to let me join. they bad mouthed about me to the conductor. but when i went for practice the first time, the conductor din say anything. i get to play E-flat horn. it's my very first instrument. i began to play.but never able to play out the xcitement of it. im just so buried in the anger and sadness.. no one saves me.. when i beg for help, kneel down to others and even teachers, whoever pity me? NO ONE! they take me as a joke,laugh at me and ignore me. i bow down to everyone apologising and got beat up. remember the first time i stole ur money? i took it to buy glitter pens. but not for me.but for the people who bully me. i begin to buy friends. then begin to be "close" to me.cos i can get them what they wan! i tot they were friends.until one day when i didnt do it, they turn away from me.they use paints to draw my face,ask me to run around the school. who knew how painful it hurts? you won't know it until you go through it. then when i try to talk to you, you just pretend you listened, scream me off and sometimes use it to pour me cold water. yoo know ii always cry and ask for you? but you and dad were never there. singapore kids kena bully, just a call from school, their parents will come down and scold me. but when someone do it to me, teachers won't care and even when i try to ask for help, i just cant anyone. mum. i hope that you will understand my life. why i became so bad tempered, so full of anger. why im so low esteem. why i was fat in such little time. what i mean when i say im not protected by you all. why i need your encouragement. why i get so frustrated about little things you do. mum. at last, i wan to let you know. i love you. and that i will try to be a good girl who don quarrel with you anymore. prove to you that through CHRIST i have changed to become someone better but not worse. yes indeed i always go out cos of church. but hope that you know i din go to play and waste my time. hope you will be happy(: Yours daughter, DELPHINE FUR. 0 comment[s] | back to top |