i want to stop all these in Jesus's name,
under Jesus's care and in Jesus's love.

let my 2008 be of my past.
i really hope all these ends before 2009.
i don't want to bring it to 2009!
no No NO!
pleaseeee.

today i went to meet bestie at jurong point!
she is sick..
gonna pray for her.
YOU AH!better take care of yourself.
if not i gonna bring yoo go see doctor le hor!
we talked alot as usual(:
i loveeeeeeeeeeee her lots <3>laogong's care these days(:
thanks for being defensive for me.
loveeeeeeeeeeeeeee ya <3>

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D is a p p o i n t e d !



why so many people just can't be trusted?
or is it i think too much again?
sigh.
do you guys know how harddddd
is it for me to come back with a clean paper?
in the past,
you all are just among yourselves.
i complained.
i thought it was me not taking initiative.
but now?
how many times must these friendship bond be broken and mended?
i am sick of all these.
things after things happening BEHIND my BACK.
if it is things that doesn't include me,
FINE!
but the thing is it includes me!!!!!
AND i don't know a ****-*** about it!
ARGHHHHH!
our quarrel is none of his business!
it is me, stupid me, go and give the present in the public!
i am the one at wrong,
STOP giving him stress!
he is already very guilty!!
1person scolded by so many people.
it is supposed to be only ONE PERSON KNOWING this.
how did it spreads to other people?
sigh!
fine.i am in no right to say this person spread it or whatever.
i can't assume either.
FINE FINE FINE!!!
ARGHHH!
CRYSSSSS! :'(
you guys make me want to run away from ALL OF YOU.
how do i face all of you with a clean paper again?
i tried it,
yet you guys burn it secretly and left a burnt mark
on my clean paper.
i am falling back to the well again!
i hate myself.
dragging people into problems,
lying to people,
making people angry all that!


i begin to doubt.
am i an accomplice of Satan?
am i drawing away from God?
this week,
going for s*****e .
i don't know how to face them,
i don't even know who have known this matter,
sighh!


sorry friend,
i got yoo into so much discipling.
i am sorry to have not been sensitive with my actions
and causing you into deep trouble.
sorry that i affected you.
really sorry.
your apologies to me make my heart sank.
tears start flowing in sorrows.
i am so sorry.
my actions caused you so much.
i am deeply sorry.

现在的我充满罪恶感。。

非常对不起。。

我不是有意的。。


一分一秒不停的走动。。

我却一直走不出来。。

你们口中的话，让我半信半疑。。

到底我应该相信谁呢？

唉！

我快疯了！

did i disappoint all of yoo ,

or did you all disappoint me?

sorry to cause so much problems
for all of you.

replies to my candy bin:
SHANNon : hmmms . i think i shall not say much(:
Sandy : i am still trying. thanks though.

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updating about my life.


i had a tiff with polarguin.
it is really irritating at times.
i think there are alot of things that are not unleashed.
i think i just need to unleash!
forget it.
now i also no mood for it already.

i am very cooped up.

守着只有自己懂的秘密好难受!

明明不是我要的，却变成全部都是我的错。

也许是我自找的吧？为什么要承担这么大的事情？

头没这么大就别带这么大的帽子啊！

我受不了我自己。

很烦耶！

大家，请不要告诉我秘密。

我的罪恶感没有比任何人少！

我也很愧疚，很难过。

我毕竟也是人啊！

有我失落的时候啊！

与其在那里逼问我。不如来安慰我！

你们只想到自己的感受。。

那我呢？我答应别人不能说了。

要我怎么办？

你以为我过得很快活吗？

我也很烦，很压力！

will you all feel for me and stand in my shoes to think?
haiz!
i am sick of all these.
i am so worried that i may just leave !
i am worried,stressed up,upset,guilty and many many mixed feelings.
why me?
i have high expectations of myself.
but i lied to mingyao.
i feel so condemned.
so so condemned.
i did not want to.
i tried to reveal to you.but on the spot,the person denied,
how do i explain and reveal?
maybe i am just useless.
maybe i did not set my priorities right.
like you say,i am not helping the person,
i am teaching the person to lie and be the accomplice
of the whole incident.
ya,i am this kind of people.
be it then.
i am imperfect.
not even close to good.
i am just an ordinary girl who wants to keep my promise.
who wants to lie to their leader whom he/she loves and respects alot?
perhaps only ME?

解释就是掩饰，对吗？

this time i am hit.
no matter how surroundings people try to stumble me
with their hurting words,
i can get out of it with the Word of God.
but how do i get out of it when it is a annointed person of God?
how do i forgive myself to lie to the God annointed person?

我试着去原谅我自己，

但我就是放不过我自己.

i feel so low spirit.
sighh.

to the girl who asked me.
"sorry that i never tell yoo.is not i don't treat yoo like a cg.
is that i am told to keep a secret.
i seek your understanding."

i need time to cool down my life ((':

Labels: how do i forgive myself?

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guilt feels me.
i helped someone lie to the leader.
but i was trying to stop any problem from occurring.
but i was wrong.
i did not set my priorities right.
but i did not want to lie.
when mingyao asked,
i said he bought it.
i thought he was ok with telling mingyao.
but he denied it.
and i had to lie even to my leader.
suddenly i feel so distant.
because i told a lie to a leader.
sigh.
leave me alone.
i need some repentance i think.

i will be back again.
nites all :|

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Happy birthday shannon老公 ((:

i am honoured to be the whole thing planner for her birthday.

LAWLS.

i made sure FOUR LEAVES cake is there no matter what.

some say ,"MUST FOUR LEAVES AH?!DIE DIE MUST FOUR LEAVES?"

of course luhh.

a promise is still a promise!


i make sure she get it.


i know she loves it(:


so there it goes..


a FOUR LEAVES BIG CHOCOLATE CAKE from White Sands.


thanks to polarguin(:


i did her a windmill birthday card.


HEHE!


i wann to make it special for her.


i knew how she felt last year..


things are always expected,


so..i made it a UNEXPECTED de.


HAHA!


i am very glad she is very happy and surprised(:


she sent me a message which made me feel really satisfied.


there it goes,

"Bestie! Thanks so much! I love you. i dunno how to express

myseld in person but wad i wanna say was that i had an unexpected,

memorable, surprisin birthday. U made my day never be the same.

i m thankful i had u! c: merry xmas."

obviously i will feel very happy lor!

it have been so long i received a affirmation.

it is tiring to do everything on my own liddat.

when i needed help that day,

no one was available!

luckily got spencer!

i gotten the bluetack.

if not,sure die one lo!

THANK YOU SPENCER.

i have been very tired throughout all these days.

waking up early and all that.

making up..

trying to reach friends through my house phone!

i have hell about it.

i feel so heavy on my feet.

one week being put on kite by 3 peepos.

sian half way.

or cynthia,i forgive her.

i understand(:

well..

i am shagged.

from 24dec till 25dec.

i am on turbo..no sleep at all.

*faints*

i feel like sleeping for days and months!!

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我可以忍受
你不夠愛我
我可以忍受
你有別的夢就算是編謊話騙我
至少你還在乎我的感受
我可以忍受
眼神的空洞
我可以忍受
你時間不夠用卻不能忍受
做了那麼多
是她擁有
我該得到的溫柔愛上你
是我改不了
也不願改的習慣
要放開哪有那麼簡單
瞭解你
是我說不出
也不承認的悲哀包容你
是我體諒的愛
別當作應該我可以忍受
你不夠愛我
我可以忍受你有別的夢
就算是編謊話騙我
至少你還在乎我的感受
我可以忍受眼神的空洞
我可以忍受
你時間不夠用卻不能忍受
做了那麼多
是她擁有
我該得到的溫柔
Oh no no no
不要說
對不起
原來你要的不是我
(你要的是什麼)
不要說
謝謝你
什麼你永遠在我心中
(你說的我都不懂)
Can you tell me why? (tell me why)
這樣的我
你也曾愛過
不是嗎 (不是嗎)
是她擁有
我沒看過的笑容

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today i meet GCB.
hehe!
secret for why..
hehe!
ask me personally if you want to know!
HOHO!
i love the kids at Waterfalls student care centre.
i love me.
i love them too(:

tags replies:

sandy : LOL!this tagboard is lousy.

i cant seemed to reply ):

gonna reply in post(:

vicente : updated XD thanks for being my *fans*.

haha!!anyway!i will cook for yoo next time luhh(:

don't jealous..don't jealous =XxXx

polarguin : haha!is it?i tot yoo told me you are full????

anyway..next time then cook for yoo(:

cynthia : YOU NOW THEN KNOOOWWW!

so lagg luhh!

must change ur 10 legs to x10 speed =xXx catchup soon!LOVES<3

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yesterday i slept on 4plus am and woke up at 6plus am..
because i wanna go and pei baobei..
help her take care of people and carry the burden with her..
at the mean time give her support..

then i rushed down for service(:

gotten two more stones(:

HAHA!

at the night i felt God speaking to me..

i start calling Adeline.

spoke right into her heart.

she started to cry..

i sang all the worship songs i knew for 1 hour plus

during the weepings.

then asked her to pray after me.

then ask her to pray in holy spirit out loud.

she did(:

then i heard God's words..

and started to prophercise over her life..

at the end of it..

we sang two praise songs..

and she told me this,

"i felt God's presence so strong just now.Thankyou.I felt total relieved."

immediately,my lousy feelings had been cleared..

i am so happy to help her(:

i can sense a change in the spirit of her.

thank God(:

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i have been *ha-chewingg~* for alot of times..
is like as if someone miss me greatly.
._.
can't be also!
no boyfriend also ahh!
aiya~
don't care luhh!
today went cell group..
i brought fried rice for them..
but rarely people eat..
i shoud have expected right?
they may have eaten le right?
yea luhh..
don't want to brood about either
i am tired ):
*yawns*

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this other girl is called jia ying(:

sh is actually very closed up one..

but after i came....

she became very close to me.

haha..must be i very loving ba(:

she is always not interested in work as she cannot really think properly.

sadded right?

aiya..gonna believe she will improve with my guidance(:

HOHO!that is alot of faith , prayer and patience needed(:

yeah.i think the work is not bad luhh(:

i want to move up to the next level..

so wanna try different thing =J

trust myself and God ba(:

i went for car lesson today at 6.30pm today..

not bad...no accident ma!

HAHA! LAWRS ;p

tomorrow need to work from 8am to 5.30pm!

it is going to be reallyyy tiring D:

need to wake up at 6.30am..

sian half way J=

thanks to baobei's love message..

and vicente-kor's encouragements..

plus the smiles of my little kids..

candy baby is candied today(:

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to brighten the last post...

i have found a job at redhill..

at waterfall studentcare as a assistant teacher..

working hours : 8.30am - 7pm

PRAISE THE LORD(:

thankyou for the job,daddy(:

i am looking forward to friday and saturday!

today vicente kor blessed me some money.

thanks so much,vicente!

be happy luhh,CANDY BABY (:

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suddenly i feel that i seems to have changed alot.
my life changes.
my thinking changes.
my attiude changes.
even my bestfriend seems to be changed.
i no longer can be their encourager.
no longer can be their listener.
just because?
i can't stand it when they are georgy.
when i talk to them..
they just nod their head and say ya..and ya....
then go home they are still looking down on themselves..
people around are so busy about work and financial crisis!
and what is there to look down on yourself when
it is obvious you are not ugly?
everytime you look down on yourself,
you affects me..
you are pretty and you will say,"aiya..you cannot understand me de la."
and you will say what they say to you..
AND!
hello???
all these irritating and esteem-killer words,
you keep it in your heart.
what about all the encouragements and sincere praises we told you?
all go in one ear and out one ear?
sick Sick SIck SICk SICK!
ARGHH!
why do i not speak to you?
because you told me before most of the things i said,
you disagree most of the times.
you are my bestfriend.
other disagree i can understand..
but even you feel that..
you think only u will have no confidence?
i have lost all my confidence to speak and encourage!
you say you yoU yOU YOU..
what about meeee?
i don't even have the motivation to even do such thing anymore!
when i tell myself,"i can de."
the words you told me rings my mind..
i feel so lousy of myself.
i left you out there not to let you be alone.
in that i can't fulfill your wants!
only those people out there can!
i am tired.
in many friendships,
i have sunk into the well.
now come to our turn liao.
sigh!
sick ; sad ; wu zhu.
what else?
you are not the only one who is tired.
i am too.
at least you have your guy friends.
what do i have?
my turn to say,"you will never understand de la!"
i am so drained out..
i need fresh air..
and the only love i can really feel is love of god.
that is why every friday and saturday is days i look forward to..
i need to renew my mind.
i need peace.
i need love.
i am tired.
so tired...
i am still holding on..
just that i am sinking right into the "absorbing mud" soon.

will you hold on to me?
or will you choose to let go?

candy baby is losing some of her sweetness J,=

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i may be a little more and more distant from people..
BUT,
at the same time,I am trying to draw near(:
today i am tired J:
update again soon((:
i looking forward to meeting Vicente tml at jurong point(:

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