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HER.TALES ♥QUEEN KING♥ R♥YALS KNIGHTS F-BOOK NEWER OLDER +FOLLOW

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GOODBYE!wait till the next time i get my lappy..
then i will be back!
TAKE CARE!


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i did this!nice right?!

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"hello delphine.

ni hao (:

happy schooling! x3

"

i left it here as it is.

this is by my collegue JOYCE.

she typed it when i was putting back the passports((:

THANKS JOYCE(((((:

today is my last day working!

ended.

haha.although no more money..

haix..WELL WELL WELL~

never mind la.there will be a way.

*walk by faith and not by sight*

phew....i wonder i wonder..

hopefully my friends won't have to do all the filing =xXx

today i am going to school to collect my student card..

going to start sch on thursday..

I WANT A LAPTOPPPP!!!!!

ARGHHHH~

haiiiiiix!

very sian lo!!!

and and and!

i am very financially tight!

ARGHHH!*break off*

hmmmm!what else i can say?hmmm..

*waves byebye*

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VOTE ME OK!!THANKS AHHH~hahaha!

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-Jeffrey
-Cynthia
-ChongXiang
-Kok Keong
-Yong Xiang
of cos shannon.we everyday meet((:

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you know what?

i just found out that i may have diagnosed with diabetes.

sighh..is a inherit in my mother's side.

of course...there is proof supporting it..

it is just too obscene to say..and pretty xia suay.

sighh.

shall not be bothered!

oh daddddyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!

*relaxing*

%Mingyao taught me.."walk by faith and not by sight"

*phew*

-leave it to my Heavenly Daddy ba-

#everything is gonna be alright right?[':

[ [ CANDY BAY-B ] ] does worries...

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WOOO~
peepos are asking me for updates!!
HAHAHAHAS!
i didn't work since last thursday..
thus,i can't update ya...
hmmm...going to enter SIM this coming thursday le..
*nervous*
heyy..there are alot of hunks and babes yeah..
hurhur!make me feel so intimidated.*blink*
but it's okayys....
i have a nice heart..(:


i am learning to be more christ like now..
trying hard ok!!
no more vulgarities!
SAY NO to vulgarities!
hurhur~
and thanks to my 383-palakom brother for his influence.

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well well well.........
some peace ba!<3

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she is going to kill her emotions!
SHoooOOOOOO SADNESS!
shoooooOOOOOOOOOO~
*cast shooing spell*
*waves goodbye to sadness and selfishness*
hmmm..i think i really needs alot of reflections...
on myself..
things i have done..
words i have spoken..
thoughts i have thought...
attitude i have given...
unhappiness that i have spreaded..
smiles that has lessen..
selfishness that had gained..
i talked about i,me,myself..
especially these few days...
why am i so bothered by things around me?
have i neglected peepos around me?
why have i lose my "caring and encouraging" side of me?
i feel that i have caused so much problems these few days..
so i wanna apologise here.
TO JEFFREY:
"Thank you for telling me about I,me,myself is
selfishness and considered self-centred.
Thank you for keeping me in touch even when you
are really tired out..
Always making the effort to think of verses,
ways of talking and encouragements to charge me up..
Yet i disappoint you again and again..
I am sorry for neglecting your life problems.
I am sorry that i was not there when you needed someone..
Always thinking about my problems,
telling you my problems...
I want to tell you that words spoken to me,
i remember..i am trying to digest it and put it into action..
Sorry to be the 1st one to let you feel that consoling and
encouraging me pains your heart and soul."
TO MINGYAO(CGL):
"I am sorry to disappoint you..again and again..
I am sorry that i did not prioritise things..
I am sorry i focused so much on my personal needs
and neglected the cg.
I am sorry that i was not accountable to you until you
asked me.
I am sorry that i am so immature.
I know simple sorries cannot do anything.
I promise i will try..
Try to put S33 before my personal needs.
To stop dwelling in my past.
Thanks for your tolerance and guidance.
I will reflect."
TO XUETING(Mickey baobei):
Sorry for any hurt that i may have caused to you unknowingly.
Sorry for always debating so much with you.
Sorry that i wasn't the one there for you when you needed someone.
Sorry that if i have broken the trust between us.
I never thought of all these.
I have learnt to think before i talk..
i will learn to be one.
Thank you for always trying to be there for me,
despite of my slack attitude and negative comments."
TO SANDY:
Sorry that i did not account to you though you are my COGL.
Sorry that i let things be told to you by others and not by myself.
Sorry that i always do things without asking you or informing you.
Thank you for your tolerance and your grace.
Really..your grace and tolerance had touched me.
Efforts you made is visible to me.
I will start changing..
Give me time to prove..
I will,i know i can."
TO SHANNON:
"Sorry for always treating you like a trash bin..
Throwing all my tantrums,attitude and frustrations onto you.
i know you really had a hard time tolerating such a person like me.
But you chose to keep quiet because you treat me as your friend.
All these while,through the difficult times of my life,
you tried to be there,tried to not ask qns that is sensitive..
I know you took alot of courage to do some things for me.
Sacrificing your money and time for me.
THE 108 CHUPPA CHUPPS lollipops..
THIS,I WILL NEVER FORGET.
everytime i look at it,my heart warms up..
i hug the chuppa chupps you gave..
weeping in tears and crying to God
about what i can do for you..
why am i not sensible enough?
why am i so SELFISH?
why i can't even bring joy and peace to my BEST friend?
Really sorry...really really sorryy...
no amount of words can express my gratitude and apologies towards you.
Thank you so much.
Your sacrifices are RECOGNISED!"
TO LI XIN:
Sorry that i showed you attitude on saturday night(13/09/08)
i know you care.just that i cannot comprehend it.
i know you are worried for me.yet i choose to stand firm with my
choice.i told you i hate gossips.i said i hate peepos spreading
things about me without me knowing it..
But now i know it is all to help me.
It is not about spreading but getting someone who is more
suitable to talk to me.
Yes,i admit i could not accept.
But i will try..really..
Thanks for being the STAR that always smiles and brights my life."
TO MING HUA:
i know you have always try to help me as much as you can.
Always rendering your help to me,
not expecting anything in return.
Sorry that i always take you for granted.
But i really never treat you transparent.
Sorry that all these long years of knowing each other,
i have rely too much on you.
having too high expectations of you yet always doing
nothing back in return to you.
Sorry that i always never reply your smses..
I have my dilema too..
really..just too much for me at that point of time.
But now,it ends here.
Everything got to come to an end.
I will stop the not replying sms attitude.
Not going to rely too much on you.
Not going to have high expectations.
I have no right to do so,i know.
I am sorry.
Thank you for always being there when the worst really comes.."
I am really sincere with the above apologies.
I feel that i really owe them an apology and a change.
They had really tried to help..
I don't want to use any more excuses to cover my wrongs.
I want to admit all that i have done.
I want a change and desperately needs it!
I hate this "me" that is so selfish!
but out of a sudden,
i feel uneasy to post at my blog..
if i were to post too much about my thinkings and my feelings,
won't it show i talk about myself again?
HMMMMM.
it's tough.......
nevermind...
hmmmmmmmm....
then better end here.
*waves*
[ [ CANDY BAY-B ] ] shall not say much.
she eats her lollipop
and focus on spreading
sweetness to bitter souls.

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JUST TO TELL ALL,18 SEPT POST IS IMPORTANT,IF YOU HAVE NOT READ IT,START READING!


I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IRRITATED AND ANGRY!
TO THE POINT I AM TREMBLING AND ALMOST FAINTED..

ii am mad ii think..
mind anyone,I AM IN A FIERY-TEMPER..

i rewrite my post..blogger got problem..
but my brain is 1GB RAM.
i cant recall what i write..
too bad,no one is fated to see what i wrote..
BLOGGER,I HATE YOU!
you make me repost..
you make me cannot write all that i wanted at that moment..
I HATE YOU!i promise,if i find other suppliers that are better,
I WILL NOT USE YOU AGAIN..

i think i am not on earth anymore..
*drifting apart form earth*
**WAVES GOODBYE TO PEEPOS ON EARTH**
zai jian le..


again and AgAin and AGAIN...
i am in pain..
all these pain i suffered from have been a curriculum for me..
everyday i yearn to be asleep more..
because everytime i wake up,
all these come again..
i have tired out i think...
i am shagged...
maybe physically or emotionally or psychologically or mentally.
or maybe ALL?
i dono..i dono why,when,what,where and how?
so don't ask me why because i dono why i dono why!
i am mad i think..
have i been poccessed?i don't think so..
if i am poccessed,i won't ask whether i am poccessed rights?
hmmm..
i am in pain PAin PAIN..
my vision is getting blurrer and blurrer as days passed.
my fingers are geting number and number..
i feel that i am starting to lose senses..
even now i am typing,
i can't really see the screen words..
i look at my keyboard when i type just to clarify..
sighh..
still smiling away (((:

i dono why i have silence so much..
i dono why!so don ask me why!
cos i dono why i dono why!
i am lost..lost in dono where..
but i know i am not on earth..
cos i feel no presence i think..
DON'T ASK ME HOW I WANT YOU TO HELP ME.
cos i don even know how to help myself,
how i know how u help me?..
yoo probably won't ask a mental disorder person how he/she wants
you to help them rights?
i think i am one now,though.
hurhur..i am mad,i think...

random:
"MIND YOUR TONE,GESTURE AND WORDS YOU USE
WHEN YOU TALK TO ME.."
this is to ANYONE who talks to me..
i don't guarantee whether i will blow up or not..
i may just ignore perhaps?
ignore IGnore IGNORE..
ignore all that you all say..
ignore questions you ask..
ignore the attitude you give..
and just walk away..
I WANNA REEMPHASIZE
[THIS THING I SAY,DOES NOT POINT AT ANYONE SPECIFIC!]



**DON'T TAKE MY WORDS FOR GRANTED (((:**
*IN FUTURE EVEN IF YOU WANT IT, YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO HEAR IT FROM ME AGAIN*



[ [ CANDY BAY-B ] ] needs CANDIES now..
she needs alot of them..
she needs STRAWBERRY LOLLIPOPS..
she just needs it..
CHEER [ [ CANDY BAY -B ] ] up!
GOD DADDY,fill me..
fill me more and more every sec..
i yearn to stay in your embrace forever..
i don't want to get out of it..
i don't want..
don't ever let go of me..
don't ever drift from me..
i love you,DADDY.

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THE DAILY MEDICINE[CONSIDERED A DRUG] i take
CARRIES THESE SIDE EFFECTS:

1)dry mouth


2)contradicting increased appetite

3)nausea

4)dysgeusia(the distortion or decrease of the sense of taste)

5)strange taste in the mouth

6)anorgasmia(sexual dysfunction sometimes classified


as a psychiatric disorder in which the patient cannot achieve

orgasm, even with "adequate" stimulation.can also be caused

by medical problems such as hormonal imbalances)


7)delayed ejaculation

8)upset stomach

9)constipation

10)trouble sleeping

11)dizziness

12)drowsiness

13)menstrual cramps/pain

14)headache

15)flushing

16)joint/muscle pain.

17)increase blood pressure and pulse

18)cardiac arrhythmias(abnormal electrical activity in the

heart. The heart beat may be too fast or too slow, and may be

regular or irregular,may cause SUDDEN DEATH)


19)paresthesia(a sensation of tingling, pricking, or numbness

of a person's skin with no apparent long-term physical effect.

It is more generally known as the feeling of "pins and needles"

or of a limb being "asleep")



20)mental/mood changes (e.g., excitement, restlessness,

confusion, )depression,thoughts of suicide).


21)seizures(sudden attack, spasm, or convulsion, as in

epilepsy or another disorder)


22)problems urinating

23)abnormal bruising or bleeding

24)melena(passage of dark tarry stools containing

decomposing blood that is usually an indication of bleeding in

the upper part of the alimentary canal and especially the

esophagus and stomach)


25)hematemesis(vomiting of blood)

26)jaundice(state or feeling of negativity or bitterness arising

especially from envy or world-weariness)


27)fever

28)rigors(state of rigidity in living tissues or organs that

prevents response to stimuli)


29)chest pain

30)hemiplegia(a condition in which one-half of a patient's

body is paralyzed)


31)abnormal vision

32)dyspnea(difficulty of breathing or painful breathing)

33)edema(abnormal accumulation of fluid in the body tissues

or in the body 34)cavities causing swelling or distention of the

affected parts)



[QUESTIONS YOU MAY WANT TO ASK]

♣What do you take this medicine for?
●Top Secret.i tell no one about it.SERIOUSLY NO ONE.

♣Does your parents know this?
●Of course they know it?but they simply is pretty ok with it((':

♣Why you know this,yet you still take it?
●If my parents are ok,why should i not take?
●I am trying my best to fulfill what they want(((':

these are the questions that i think you probably will ask.
so i answer you first(((:


When i am reading and typing this out,
my heart starts crying which caused my tears to flow uncontrollably..

*laughs*
Why do i tear?*shakes my head*
I will not tell you which one of the side effects I had been experience
everyday.
But i can tell you,
It's more than 15 less than 33.
How many peepos feel that i have been acting strangely?
How many peepos notice i have not been feeling well?
I think none.HAHA!
You wanna know why?

♠Even after I cried for 2 hours,as long as i wipe my tears away,
no one will realise i cried.
COMPARED to OTHERS,
they just have to cry for a while,
their eyes will be red and we will know they cried.
♠Even when i am drunk i am able to walk in a straight line.
i know you are scratching your head on how i do it.
i do it by walking like a "Cat Walk" style. and looking for straight line
so that i can follow the straight line and walk accordingly.
[i have never been DEAD DRUNK outside,so,my DRUNK means
tipsy and you will become bold to say out anything on earth and
you start feeling abit want to fall when you stand up and
feel that your head is heavy and your cheeks are soft.]
♠When i am sick,if i don't say,NO ONE will know.
Of course sore throat and running nose is DIFFERENT!
I am a PRETTY GOOD ACTRESS(((:
you won't know how good i am until you are in me(((:


``` Have i convinced you?```
``to know that i am sick,IS VERY VERY TOUGH!``
`okayys,don't need to bother to try le,i don't think you can notice it with
your own pair of eyes`

i live my day like as if it is the LAST DAY of my life.
other than during working time,
i can't do much,
other than talking on MSN,
blogging and going around to tag them..
If i am free a whole day,i won't waste it.
AND i don't want to..
because i simply do not know when i will just collapsed.
now have you figured out the reasons why i am very sensitive,
very encouraging,talk alot,smile alot[though i do have attitude sometimes],
crapp alot and go around showing my concern and love?
FOR YOUR INFO,
I DO TALK LIKE THEIR IS NO TOMORROW!
i can talk on the phone starting from 11am....
talk talk talk talk....
talk till 8pm!
i just have so much to talk..
this is done only when my parents are not with me.
my parents dislike me to talk on phone.
they don't like me to talk so much.
i have so much to pour out,
so much things to share.
THE ONE who can make me speaks FREELY and WITH NO CONSIDERATION,
is CYNTHIA perhaps.
SHANNON is of course one that i talk to ALOT ALOT too!
nags nags nags and complaint complaints complaintsss((:

please learn to tell those you love about how much you love them,
when you are still alive!
i know there are peepos who do not know how to express themselves,
DON'T make it EXCUSES liao la~HEHE!
reallyy....START opening your mouth to tell or
START smsing them or START doing something to show them!
don't regret~
do it to the point that if today is your last day,
you are ready to go..with NO REGRETS & NO BURDENS on earth!

can you understand what is running through my mind every min and sec?
can you understand how IMPORTANT it is,really?

for guys and girls who feel that you are in love with the opp sex,
SAY IT OUT! [of course make sure you are sincere]
i tell you this,being together in the relationship is NOT THE MAIN THING!
the main thing is that you bring across your feelings for them..
yes,you bound to be sad that they don't love you or don't accept you.
but think about it throughoutly...
when he/she says he/she don't love you and cannot accept you,
does that makes you stop loving him/her?
prolly yoo won't but yoo will try to forget him/her..
just that at that period of time being,
yoo won't..

for some girls,
they will love them in their hearts but lie to guy
and say ,"No la,i give up le!don't love him le la!"
they will secretly check about how is the guy,
hoping that he can ask for her help and she will be so happy
that she can do something for him..
yoo don't want your love for him to be a burden
to him.yoo say yoo hope he lives happily and that will do,
but actually when yoo that the reason he smiled is not because
of you,you start being sad.then indirectly you try to let yourself
be one of the reasons why he smile..you will go and try to make him smile.

Am i right?
*this is HOW I FEEL,so no offences!and no direct shooting on anyone.
of course you can object this.but not through spamming*

for guys,
yoo will start telling some of your friends that you are feeling
perfectly fine[other than your REAL CLOSE FRIEND].
yoo will start giving the girl the feeling that you do no love her anymore.
but in your heart you want to protect her,you love her and you
care pretty much about her in almost every ways.
your brave front will be showed to everyone.
*i was thinking about the reasons..and i feel..*
because of this verse,"NAN REN LIU XIE BU LIU LEI".
if i translate into english,
it means "MAN WILL BLEED BUT WILL NOT TEAR"
meaning that even if yoo bleed yoo don't cry.
broadcasting that "IF YOU ARE A MAN,YOU CANNOT CRY.
IF YOU CRY,YOU ARE NO MAN!"
this verse is something I OBJECT.
man is human also!they feel also!why cannot release their emotions?
this is the reason why guys start closing their heart,
put their heart in the coldness,
to freeze the tears that are supposed to flow.
to stop themselves from showing out how they feel.
freeze the heart that have the capability to love.

Am i right?
*like i say,this is how i feel~
you may and you can think you don't feel this way.
so no offences!and no direct shooting on anyone.
of course you can object this.but not through spamming*



i simply want to bring across that don't let everyday just slip away
without doing anything.
be it things you want to do,
prolly things you want to say,
things you wanted to do for a long time,
things you wish to do..
whatever it is,don't let it slip away.

*LIFE IS FRAGILE,VULNERABLE & UNPREDICTABLE*
**CHERISH AND TREASURE**
***DON'T KEEP YOUR LOVE AND CARE FOR OTHERS IN
YOUR HEART LEFT UNSAID AND UNDONE***




[ [ CANDY BAY-B ] ]
she wants to spread her CANDY-NESS.
she wants to use her CANDY-NESS
to SWEETEN those BITTER SOULS.
she belongs to Jesus.
she is not a slave of His,
but a DAUGHTER.
this is a thursday post!
my blog date got prob!

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this is a 17/09/08 post


hmmm.i felt at ease at last..
kor called me to explain to me some things.
corrected my way of posting about c****h is wrong..
so i deleted some of it and added some of it..
this is what it's good about him..
he don't talk behind your back instead he tells you personally.
this way is a good way to get the person to change
as compared to saying in front of friends,
as the xia suay-ness will blind your thoughts.
he say out what is wrong and state properly for me.


THANKS SO MUCH,REALLY.

these are what happened on 16/09/08

to tell the truth,
i went to meet KC.
i wanna end it all~
and also give him the birthday present~
sorry for not accounting..
it took me alot of courage to even post it here..
don't ask for the obvious.
THANKS!
don't ask me sensitive things about it.
don't ask about whats wrong btw me and KC.
i have ended it all..
in case your thoughts are running wild,

NO,WE HAD NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP(:
i don't wish to post more about what we do..
simply no mood.
to summarise,
i suggest going to HAW PAR VILLA.
then after that he wanted to go queensway shopping centre.
so was there the whole day till 5plus pm.
DOING NOTHING~


i feel i wasted one day pay which is $54.

hmmm..then i went to driving lesson 2!
OK!AT LEAST NO ENGINE STALL ANYMORE OK!
HAHA~
no mood blogging further(((:




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let me be frank here.
i had a big quarrel with her last friday.
it was a quarrel full of vulgarities and fuge.
we even break our friendship for it.
but on saturday night she smsed me and tell me her true feelings.
OVER HERE,
I WOULD LIKE TO AFFIRM HER.
for giving in and typing that message to me which salvaged our friendship.
it took her ALOT OF COURAGE and i am clear and sure about it.
we learnt a lesson.
[DIGNITY KILLS!]
it does.it will kill your friendship.
because of dignity,
we did not want to give in to each other,
we choose not to stay as friends because we don't want
to let the opponent feel we are defeated.
so we quarrel even more.
we said alot of things.
INCLUSIVE of truth and fake.
fake in the sense of our feelings and things we misunderstood.
BUT...
we survived it.we manage to calm ourselves and give in to each other,
putting down our pride and dignity..
i feel that God put a test between our friendship,
to show how much we love each other and how much we need each other.
and at the same time,erupt those unhappiness in our hearts that we
buried to each other,
ONCE AND FOR ALL.
because of this quarrel our hearts for each other is renewed again.
we no longer have any hidden unhappiness.
I THANK JESUS FOR THIS BEST FRIEND like HER.

HER,
i really thank you for stepping one step out.
if not,this friendship would have ended.
i have realised my fault and mistakes and i am sure yoo do too.
i think it's our past memories that brought us back to each other.
i also can't bear to lose this friendship indeed.
was really down about the broken friendship.
at the same time also angry about yoo saying break.
but the main feeling is WU ZHU ba.
i don't want to give in but i want this friendship
yet i don't know what else i can do.
i just choose to show yoo my anger since yoo give me ur anger.
but i really did cried for it.
yoo have REALLY been A GREAT FRIEND to me.
I AM BLESSED TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE,
FOR YOU PLAY THE BIGGEST PART IN MY LIFE over others.
<3>

talking about saturday...
it was KC's birthday celebration.
CROPS UP AND CROPS UP!
iie was busy looking for poppers..
going fairprice...then watson..
just couldn't find it..
got real anxious for it..
then someone told me maybe japanese home
has it.so i went there..
and found it finally..
then suddenly get a sms to buy cake for him.
then at the mean time KC already ask me to
meet him together to church..
i was like.................
OH NO!how?how?how?
was real nervous and worried about it.
so i scan through my WHOLE contact list in my phone.
called my cg members.
none was free..
fine...i called jeffrey,spencer then found out they are in cgm.
then i even called my band members to help me.
then either they never pick up my calls,
or they are not free..
*more and more nervous*
i called maggie in the end..
then AT LAST!someone rescued me!
she helped me take the cake.
THANK YOU MAGGIE!
then i ask maggie to pass it to jeffrey..
i then waited for KC for 1 plus hour!
sooooooo long la?!
i still manage to reach church in one piece though.
i was anxious so i asked spencer they all where is jeffrey.
i gonna tell yoo this.
i feel awkward and so low self esteemed about this.
WHY WHEN YOU ALL SEE ME,YOU ALL KEEP LAUGHING?
it makes me feel very weird and SUPER awkward la?
let me say what i was thinking:
"how come they keep laughing?is it cos they think
about me liking jeffrey in the past?or is it cos they
feel that this few days i and jeffrey very close
then thought i fall in love with him again?oh my goodness...
but why they take this issue and laugh at?
in the first place i feel that joking at two person who
don't love each other or one way ticket is NOT FUNNY!
it hurts their feelings and thrash their esteem.
just like how i felt though i dono abt jeffrey.
maybe jeffrey felt ashamed and shameful abt it?i am not sure.
haizz.ok ok..calm downnn..relax..just focus on the cake."

then i successfully asked jeffrey to help me hide the cake.
thank you jeffrey.
then i even asked him to help me hide the present.
LET ME SAY OUT THE REASONS WHY I ASKED JEFFREY TO DO IT.
-definitely NOT cos i love him
-cos he is the only one other than n234 that i know and
is close with.
-cos i really want to make a surprise for KC!totally
don't want him to know.
[[[[[[[[[[[THAT'S ALL]]]]]]]]]]
this wasn't the end..during ZONE debrief,
i was seating down on the floor,
jeffrey was standing super near me.
then there was a gap that he can seat.
yet he didn't..though i am not really sure why...
then peepos shouted,"JEFFREY!ni chi puo li zhang da de ah?"
DOUBLE AWKWARD OF THE DAY!
i was like...SIGHH~so irritated.
but why was i awkward?
probably because i used to like him and his cg members know it.but in the first place how do they even know it?!
i don dare to doubt.but i was thinking alot?
being close with a guy makes peepos feel
like i like him?!

why a guy and a girl cannot be too close.
though i understand the reason why,
but i still simply DON'T LIKE it that way..
AND CAN'T ACCEPT IT!
i wonder....
because got such thinking and this people creating "rumours"
then cause alot of really close girl and guy friendship
start to drift.
and that must also be one of the reasons why alot of peepos
go for "underground relationship".
sighhh~
i and jeffrey's friendship starts to drift real lot.
yes i was very bothered by it.
yes i felt upset and frustrated about it.
i really don't know what happen.
in the midst of no one telling me at all..
tongues wagging behind my backs yet i know
not a single thing[i feel]
i really do bother about this friendship.
i do care so much.
but i just feel that my care and bother attitude is unwanted
and simply not needed..
yes i am still holding on to this close friendship.
cos i have not learnt how to let go.
some say jeffrey is not really good.
so what?i like his way of doing things will do!
why must i hear that jeffrey is a good friend or what
before thinking whether i want to befriend him?
i trust him that he will always be better.
i trust God will change him too.
don't ask me why i don't trust others saying
his no good.
it's simply because i trust him.
i like his true character that he don put a mask in
front of me and that he is truthful for whatever he says.
i like the way he jokes with me and do magic to show
me when i am down,always encourage me when
he knows i am down..he is always there to
pull me up..
don't tell me that you are also like him very caring for me..
cos it's the matter of feel and time that builds it.
i did not have a close friendship with jeffrey until a period of time.i did work hard to make him be more open.
i may not sounds great to yoo all.
but to me,it's an accomplishment.
what have yoo peepos do to try to be close to me?
always saying "yoo can tell me if yoo have problems. :)"
does it helps?tell me how did yoo people react when i
once shared?either always use godly stuffs to say
which i feel that yoo don't acknowledge my pain,
or either tell me "shi zhe yang de la";"there are more peepos
who are worse than yoo.";"don't think about it la."
or either ask me to don't care.
all these who don't know how to say?
saying is just opening your mouth and speak.
but the doing person is me.
did yoo all guide me through?
accompany me through the days i was sad?
were yoo all sensitive enough to feel that i was still sad?
were yoo all even bothered to leave a sms asking about how am i or even call me?
IF yoo did not,how do yoo expect a close friendship?
don't always say i must take initiative..
cos i did take the initiative to talk to yoo all before.
but the reaction yoo all gave was not what i want.
though i know i can't expect everyone to suit me.
and sometimes i do feel that maybe the prob i share
will be shared to among peepos yoo are close to
or maybe someone yoo are sure he/she will not spread..
but so what?this is not the main thing.
the main thing is that i entrusted yoo with my problems,
yet yoo share it with others without even asking
for my permission or even opinion.
yes leaders are high in rank and i must respect them,
but when yoo were to say my prob to someone else,
i do really ask that you let me know!
I HATE IT when someone else know it and
either yoo deny or i find out that is you who secretly
told this person or that yoo gossip abt it.
don't tell me you 100% will not.
because though we all are christians,
we are not perfect.
we strive to be god-like,
but we are not god.
we still have our own worldly comments and character!
don't tell me c*******ns have no bad thinking?
they don't talk behind peepos' back?
HOW SURE CAN YOU GIVE ME A DEFINITE ANSWER:
"YES WE DON'T!NOT AT ALL!I CONFIRM WE DON'T
HAVE NEVER DONE ALL THESE THAT YOU MENTION."?
yes,leaders are god annointed leaders.
but are they perfect like god with no
worldly thinking?
but i want to say is that I STILL RESPECT THEM!
*relaxing..next topic and back to the day*
then we went to the nearby playground to celebrate
KC's birthday.pop at him.he was really scared.
the cake was good,the card was FABULOUS.
then
we went for penguin's band concert,
together clement,KC,austin,kenneth,eve and me.

it was really good..
then went to newton food center to eat.
rush to find my father's lorry later..
ya...this part is not really in detail cos i think this is really a LONG post.

SUNDAY:
i had feeling that i and jeffrey will not be going out.
it already started since ytd.
i waited for 17 hours for a reply.
i not sleep well.was real tired..
i went to yun nam for a free trial at 11.30am..
still dressed as going to Escape them park.
i still had the faith that he will bring me go
as promised though.
was lost when he said something happened.
i was really lost.i was at tiong bahru plaza that time.
when i finished with the free trial,
i stood there blankly not knowing what to do.
out of a sudden if i feel alienic with peepos around me.
i suddenly felt left alone.
was really blank and feeling really uneasy.
i walked around blankly.
went to "more than words" to see my favourite soft toys
and tears start dropping..
it took me some time to accept this fact.
i was really sad about it.
went to buy alot of cute things to ease my sadness.
really wanted to go Escape to play and release
my child-like attitude that is being hidden
under my strong attitude..
but in the end.....
haizzz..
i was worried about him,
i think he knows?
or perhaps he don't know cos i expected too much maybe.
i scrolled my contact list..
tried smsing those that may be able to go out,
ALL can't come out.
if not,THE REST is kids,
if not,can't get them.
AT THAT POINT OF TIME,
i marked all my contacts.
pressed [DELETE ALL].
but luckily stopped at the part when it says,
[DELETE?(yes/n0)]
looking at my contact list..
start to feel that all these peepos are alien to me.
THEN A RESCUER CAME.
SHANNON.

maybe this is the reason why there is a huge difference btw how i treat her and how i treat others.
she always pour it all out just to accompany me and
help me.always the ONLY ONE when peepos forsake me.
tolerating my nags and being a GREAT LISTENING EAR.

met with her at bugis..
she and jk treated me to [SOUP AND SPOON]
heyy!don't play play!the spicy wedges were VERY NICE!
she always never fails to make my day when i am real sad.
walk around trying shoes and she bought two pretty shoes.
then we went to burger king to eat and chatted alot
on the way home on my father's lorry.

SIM the place where i study is SO ULU!
it's not the one next to ngee ann.
is at bartley road.
when my father drowv there,
we thought it was some industry.
in the end,
that was my school.
LOL!
that's all..
i am more relieved now that i sound out.



no more broken promises.
i am scared and phobia of it.
bye.
and take care,my brother.




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