B E . S T R O N G

well. i have my last service together with my S33 (:

well, though did not really spend time,

but it's okayy luhh(:

some of them were there with me to visit Cynthia.

thanks all(:

~~actually i really felt drifted with them.~~

but like what MingYao told me,

i shall not live in fear for i have God.

In the Bible it says,

"All things is possible with God."

i think i should really be IN with God's things.

will have to go for sunday service.

well..i guess i just have to gel myself up with God.

sometimes i do really get drained when reaching out.

i am really so frustrated.

sometimes it seems like no matter how hard i try,

things just don't work out.

maybe i have rely too much on myself?

and the fact that i have HIGH EXPECTATIONS of myself.

times after times i expect myself to do things really well.

i take things far too seriously that when i fall,

i got desperate and break down easily.

i am kinda so drained,seriously.

i always say i need comfort,

why?

why i always down Down DOwn DOWn DOWN!?

i hate myself for being like a real harvester.

i mean i feel like i should not be sad liddat,ya?

cos i have God,

but why do i still feel sad?

i mean it is weird for me?!

i feel like screaming the peepos' heads off saying,

"I need love just like other girls need okayy?!
just that i don't portray my weakness to you guys!
why?cos i am just too afraid i will get even more
sorrows when i show yoo i am sad and you leave me alone!
i am far to fearful to be hurt. This is far too sensitive for me.
i know i have to try to open myself up again,but you
know how afraid i am? times after times i am hurt again and
again. i do not have this courage to show my weak side.
I know through God,all is possible, but you guys aren't even
CLOSE to me. The mouth keep saying i love you also no use,you guys
understand?i feel no love. and the way you guys look at me at times
are like as if i am doing something wrong but the worse part
is you guys say "nothing".well..then why look at me with that kind
of eyes? I can say i hate you guys to be biased against the others.
have i not put in effort? just that i don't show. BIASED! you guys
are BIASED! No matter how much effort i put in, it is never gonna be
put into use. You may not think you did that, recall all the friendships
you guys have with me! good? did you guys befriend me because you
guys have to or because you guys really wanna befriend me??
i hate fakers! unreal people. you never know how much an unreal person
can hurt you until you faced them. The reason i am being real is because
i want you to know who i am. Though i admit i don't show my weakness.
other than that i am who i am. Accept me for who i am,cant? Go away!
i am tired of pleasing you guys! well.. peace(:"

OKAY, i have poured out all i wanted to say.
E-N-D!
in the rest of 2009,
i will look at them with a clean paper again and shall not
rake the past (:
tata!

Labels: 我愛你不是因为你是谁，而是我在你面前可以是谁。

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