天塌下来要当被盖
can i really reach this stage? perhaps i have to try. it is not going to be easy. but i am going to try it. when the roof caves in, i take it as a blanket that i put on. many things are going into my mind. many "why"s .. but is it wanted? needed? yearned for? haiz. i am tired. i couldn't sleep well for the past few days.. running a fever.. having a painful throat.. that "thing" that bloat at my throat gets painful again. =( ='( >< -_- ;-.-: 0 comment[s] | back to top_|_ to the person who hack into my msn!you better be careful! don't wait until i retaliate then you chua sai! 不要我没发挥, 你把我当病猫! two-faced dragons. i don't know why on earth i met such people in life. thanks for showing your true colours! now i know who is right and who is wrong. and just want to tell you guys, if your intention is to get me in trouble with the people you msn-ed, i am proud to say, " YOU F-A-I-L-E-D! " -laughs- just right, the one whom you msn-ed are either clear of my character or quite clear! a.h!gafyml! you better don't let me find out.. or else (: suddenly i am dilemma. and i feel like saying this, "God will settle you for me,He will defend for me." just watch it (: " you will not have a good ending,i promise. *shakes grudges off* *stop making me sin* ARGH. but i will smile all the way, you guys don't deserve what i am. 0 comment[s] | back to top人心难测。。有时你以为没人注意你。。 所以什么都不管。。 其实在你背后, 人家都把你批评得一文不值。。 恐怖啊。。 人心险恶。。 i have always thought that my school is ok.. recently i just found out that some people may appear very ok with you, actually they think bad of you, and speaks ill of you behind your backs. *scary* luckily i only once mix with a "good friend". don't even know did she tell out my secrets. guess i have trusted people too easily.. now i learnt to be wise. too scary.. 小心自己说的话。。 空气有耳朵。。 0 comment[s] | back to topI enjoyed the trip i had with S33!Today we have a "cell group meeting" in East Coast. A cycling session. Austin and Jovonne do not know how to cycle.. We had one couple bike, so i cycled Jovonne around.. Mingyao and Justin were teaching Austin how to cycle.. And because of their patience and love, Austin learnt how to cycle! He mastered it! PTL! <3 He always make things work! (: Today even rained! and yeah. A place of agreement is a place of power. S33 is really very united! like people wearing shoes, and there was a flood, free delivery of human! hahaha :D and minghua bought us like 3 boxes of munchees! and i bought "cupcup noodles" for my precious. although i am the most drenched, i felt fulfillment. seeing the smiles and safety of them, it warms my heart. it feels like no matter how wet and cold i am, their smiles and safety play a part as a candle that warms my heart.. i love the unity we have. everyone is so gel-ed together. =^^= I want to cable skate! one round - $9 (but it is regardless where you fall, even if you fall at the starting point leh) one hour - $37 (student rate) one hour - $42 (adult rate) Someone sponsor me go leh!! (: 0 comment[s] | back to top
0 comment[s] | back to tophmmm. *HU...HA...HU...HA*cheering for myself. i am pretty down, but that is not suppose to be the time to feel this way. -C.A.N.N.O.T- it can't happen at this moment. i have been multi-tasking. my mind is just somewhere else where it s.h.o.u.l.d n-o-t be at. where is my focus? why am i always losing it? i don't want to fall into temptations again and again. i know this path will upset me & still i am walking in. 真是自作自受. C.M.I detest this type of me. sigh. i must be strong, i am strong,i know. i can be what i want to be. do you know what've been in my mind? -if i fail MPo, out of school i will go,HOW?- -HR,Marketing and Managerial Accounts.HOW?- -If i fail one of those,i can't go sem 4,HOW?- -it simply means i can't grad this year,HOW?- -no money pay bill,HOW?- -no money fulfill building fund,HOW?- -FATS FATS FATS, HOW?- -dilemma.HOW?- -no sense of security,don't know why,HOW?- -face is worse to worst,HOW?- -eye bags and eye black is worse,HOW?- -something is amiss, HOW?- -i can't sleep well,HOW?- upsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupset upsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupset upsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupset upsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupset can i get back to the old times? time cannot reverse. :'( why?why?why? guys outta there. learn something: think twice before doing anything. seek for the right people's advice. there is so much i want to do. so much.. i want to be there for people. i can't be there for everybody. and it seems like i cannot even take care of myself. i am yearning.. yearning for many things. # a teddy hug # truth # help # true love # sense of belonging # sense of security # true care # true attention # out of poverty # focus # good memory # anti-tiredness # more diligence # more time # better skin i do really hope i can c-o-l too. but i know i have to be strong. i have to.. why am i only able to cry in the dark? when i am sleeping.. when i am at my house balcony, as if i am looking at the scenery but actually i am just crying secretly.. when i am on the bus.. when i am in the rain.. when i am walking on the street.. e.m.o is what people will say. "e.m.o" is like a casual remark for people to use on people who show their sad emotions. friends, if you just want to see the happy side of someone, there is no point to be in the friendship what is "thick and thin"? what are friends for? why people still feel lonely when they have alot of friends surrounding them? that is because they have to fake their smiles! to gain friendship, fear being called an emo and neglected. how many people can accept friends who dare to show who they themselves are? don't blame your friends for not being themselves when they are with you. reflect yourself of how you have been as a friend. *i think i am abit side tracking my blog post* TSK. sometimes no matter what i do, things will not change. 0 comment[s] | back to topmy right eye was totally swollen.my eyes were like a fish ball. but a red fish ball. early in the morning, i fell down umpteen times. because i felt dizzy and i can't see properly. everything seems to flying everywhere & my sight just couldn't be focused. i did not go to school. exams are not coming., but i am already very stressed. if i fail any subject this semester, i won't be able to proceed to sem 4 already. people like shannon,sandy and minghua seem to be doing well except me. but i am going to work harder. yeah.. my phone is going to be barred super soon. if you really have something to tell me, tag me. i will be pretty busy this few weeks. tuition-ing, servic-ing, cell group-ing, study-ing, & gett-ing tuition-ed. my schedule this week : 23 April(THUR) : 9.30am-5pm MA lecture 6pm-7.30pm Tuition 24 April(FRI) : 9.30am-12.30pm HR lecture 12.30pm-2pm Group assignment discussion(MPO) 3.20pm-5.20pm Tuition-ed ny Seth 6pm-8pm Alumni band 25 April(SAT) : 9.30pm-12.30pm HR Lecture 2pm Love dedication @ riverwalk 3.45pm choir rehearsal 5.30pm service 7pm onwards fellowship 26 April(SUN) : 1.30pm cell group 3pm onwards fellowship or home-d. everytime i see a carebear, i think of you. silly of me to get myself another carebear, just can't seem to get over you. 0 comment[s] | back to topBEAWARE! i am going to have a super long post today.hmmm. Firstly, carebear's father was announced dead on Thursday morning. I went down to find him after school. On the first day, the sorrows were not very strong. But i could see tears in his mother's eyes. I went over to hug her. I went down feeling like a stranger. And his 3 aunts asked carebear,"你的女朋友啊?" And i am there saying,"No luhh,I am his friend." Then the 3 aunts started praising me. 1st aunt,"YOu are so cute.." 2nd aunt,"You got the sweet sweet look." 3rd aunt,"Your hairstyle suits you alot." I was there -blushing-. LOL! Then i say,"No luhh.-smiles-" And they actually went to tell carebear to break up with his girlfriend and go after me.. *I can't say I am unhappy upon hearing it. I was actually happy in the deep side of me. BUT I know clearly it is impossible. He will never become C and ya.. To think,it is so ridiculous of me to be jealous when his girlfriend keeps on sms-ing him. 根本就是天经地义的事.. Yet i got so unhappy about it. I saw him looking at her messages and not replying. It leads me to think: did he treat me the same way? I actually 暗爽about it. sick right? TSK. But I doubt he will break with his coming to 4 yr gf for me one too. HAHA. which is good luhh. even though i may not feel good. but I know he and me have no future, so, i need to learn not to be selfish.* On the second day, I went down again. then one of his aunty(not the aunts), keep saying,"她很好好,很有心." to carebear. Then the stupid carebear keep looking at me and say,"啊..听到了没有!讲你很好啊!" Then I look away from him and smile to aunty. LOL. Many people come and go that day. No one left without asking,"你的女朋友啊?" And i wonder how many times i said "no" already. -laughs- I can feel that the people there loves me. (: On the third day, I did not go, i went for service. (: The ice cream fiesta was good! And there was a "Ice cream design competition". We won the Number Two place. It is under a theme,"Love" And we came up with this.. isn't it cool? let me explain! This is actually a face. ya a face that represents the 7-up guy? ya..because God love the number 7. And we had a cross at the heart which means we must have the Love of God. And i said,"If you love,you need to express it out." It is actually the word "LOVE" formed by Pocky. HAHA. cool ya! (: Then we shuttle-bus-ed to expo for service 2. Don't wish to be transferred there due to many factors? but, ya..where my leader goes, i follow. Everything by faith ba (: And i got slapped by someone because i said,"san pat po." =,= but at the split second i said,"Forgive and forget." and i chilled. she apologized to me aftermath also. I called up him to check things out. He told me he just cried. Told me quite somethings. -cheer- On the forth day, I went down in the early morning. I did not tell carebear luhh. Just in case he may be sleeping.. He has had alot of sleepless night. and i wish he can sleep more.. so,yea. was there and i saw his mother and him. His eyes was kinda red? Guess he had cried before i came ba.. But did not say anything, he said he does not want to cry in front of girls. *i was kinda upset. i could feel the sorrows. For once,i felt sorrows & tears are contagious.* So yea. did alot of stuffs. I was actually the one to look after the money(白金), wrote the names and kept the money. *don't we are like a family? LOL.* and i get free access to his house. pass me keys,ask me keep? LOL. anytime i can go up. I felt like part of them luhh. Was there till around evening. then i went to meet up with precious to pass her MP4. Then cabbed home together in the end. On fifth day, this is the day when the truth unfolds, the emotions unleashed. it was the day for cemetery. this time round,i clearly see the tears dropping while he eats. i cried along. i felt the feeling of,trying to be strong, to show others he is ok, to don't let people upset and worried, but deep inside, hoping someone could take away the agony in his soul that his beloved father is going to leave forever. my tears flow uncontrollably. during the time of chanting, his mother suddenly ran over and cried badly. this is a touching scene too. she was crying,"Ah hui ah,Ah hui..." The aunts went to hug her and stop her. this added to our sorrows too. she suddenly like fainted. and carebear and i rush over. we got her a chair to rest. the scene was really traumatizing. and i was wronged as his girlfriend by the monk! *i do not wish to proceed with it.* went with them to guang ming shan. went through with them.. it was an experience i should say.. ya..but again, me and carebear is impossible. unless he is a C. if not. no talk. ya. i stand by His principles. -write more tomorrow. still have more. stay tuned!- 0 comment[s] | back to topMY FRIENDSHIP IS NOT FOR RENTAL. i got a shock of my life. someone who is one of my best friends told me this, "... I feel like I'm renting your friendship." *laughs* rent my friendship? after what we have been through, and you say you felt that "I feel like I'm renting your friendship."? I felt .. hurt? If you say you are renting my friendship, then i want to ask, after returning the money, can you return my friendship? Money can be rent, but how friendship can be rented? How can a friendship and money be weighed together at the same weighing machine? If you are renting my friendship, I won't have went down to your ward to visit you. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have bought you food worrying you don't like the food there.. (why spend money on you, if you are the one renting and should pay?) If you are renting my friendship, why do i still stay up late to listen to you? If you are renting my friendship, why do i still fulfill my promises to you? (FYI,I don't make promises to normal friends.) If you are renting my friendship, I won't have always ask for catch ups. If you are renting my friendship, when we are in a big group i would have pangseh you. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have call you and sing to you. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have been concerned about little things of your life. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have try my best to make you laugh. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have encouraged you. (in case you may think i LOVE to encourage so it's alright, sorry but my encouragements are not to be used in vain.) I won't have been bothered when you said, "I had never tell people how i feel.(that includes me)" If you are renting my friendship, I won't have accompany you to work after seeing your blog post. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have spend so much time to go shopping with you. (well,perhaps you may say,"I bought a belt you,that's your reward.") but, you can have it back. if i receive something of the wrong intention, i will give it back. thanks anyway. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have any single hesitation to take $$ from you. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have been a single truthful to you. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have been there for you when you needed someone. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have worried for you for your computer error. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have called up my friend about how i can help you. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have tell you all my problems & my dark secrets. All I could have done is to GIVE EXCUSES & GET AWAY WITH IT. & you said, "... I was prepared for this. So yeah. bye." Does this means that a break in the friendship was expected & you did not even care to try to savage? So does this means that the friendship is no longer important? Does it means everything carried out as planned? Assumptions kill. you can think it is not. because you are the one making the assumptions. but it is not true. even right assumptions are NOT facts (: I searched deep in my heart, but i find no answer of what happened. I went to research on the sound of waves but end up hearing the drip of tears in the cup of the water. I ended it with a broken heart. Although i say zero word of salvaging, I felt the kick. [R][I][D][I][C][U][L][O][U][S] I did not foresee all these. It is so traumatizing. I am so down. but I have to be strong. I have to struggle it through without even knowing if i can do it. I asked myself : Are you jolly well enjoying? Do you not feel the hurt at all? Did you really mean it? Why you come to this point of thinking? What lead you to think this way? Is this the way you want it to be? Will you be happier after this ending? Is it really the end? 0 comment[s] | back to topi am currently very tired..didn't have enough sleep perhaps. i miss ` [[ shannon_limpeishan ]] ` luhh! faster come back luhh! TSK. tomorrow i have to pass up my assignment for MPo, and i do not know how to do luhh.. and HR! on friday.. i am so stressed. my brain cells are like all turned off.. *wake up wake up* my eyes become like hush puppies' . i am also having a bad headache now. tonight gonna go give offering to ah gong. *stress* "can i not go?" my brain muttered. i don't wish to go. but that seems to be impossible. my father wants me to go. the reason i go is to win them over ba. and i don't wish to be stressed up by their insults and nags. this year is an important year. i need to graduate this year. i don't wish to trap myself in some things i don't have confidence i can take it. i am very happy that i sticked to my focus of not having a relationship. although i almost and almost, but i did not fall into it. "heng ah" Decision falls after a desire. & decision decides your tomorrow. sounds like both contradict right? it is kinda stereotype maybe? a theory for me to know,for you to find out. (: i need to finish up MPO today. save me! 0 comment[s] | back to topi find this very interesting ! You can't decide the length of life, but you can control how you want to live it. You can't control the weather, but you can control your mood. You can't change your look, but you can smile. You can't control others, but you can control yourself. You can't foresee tomorrow, but you can utilize today wisely. You can't win everything, but you can try your very best to achieve that. Hope everyone can face the daily life positively and always happy... 0 comment[s] | back to topfinally.it is all over! (: glad i had went through it. today some things went through my mind while i was in bus. Topic: Winning Souls What is the reason you win friends over to C?
OR because of "LOVE"? i came to point of asking myself why do i bring friends to church.. is it because of the above reasons? then i concluded on my own understanding. it is because of love.i love my friends, and i experienced the best and hope for the best for them.and of course one more crucial thing. i love God. When i love someone.i want to make him happy,do the things he likes,just to make him happy and to see his smiles. If i say i love God, why am i doing things He don't like? it sounds like the same theory yea? the difference between Him and the guy we love, is that He is God,someone we cannot see. the guy we love is someone we can see with our eyes. BUT, God is someone I can feel. tangible presence that makes me whole. One more difference, the guy we love - fails us many times and is imperfect. the God we love - perfect and never fail us. and i am going to do the things that He loves and going to make Him smile (: perhaps the way i can clarify things for myself (: said my piece, back to my studies again.. all the chim-eology is attacking me! but I-M-POSSIBLE! (: I know i can! (: buhbyes readers! wish me and pray for me! HOHO XD 0 comment[s] | back to topi am going to Jun Feng's house to pick him up for the drama."THe Greatest story ever told" i am very tired right now! *yawns* i want to stop thinking. it is troubling me. indeed different status of people receives different treatment. guess i am nothing in their eyes. the reasons i went on is because of one thing. LOVE. a love of disciple towards leader. & a love for God. hmmm.s 0 comment[s] | back to toptoday is at last over..woa~ it is kinda tiring! sadly, someone fly me kite. and the two not saved. *struggling hard* Visualize! Confess! Believe! i am too tired to blog more. nite! 0 comment[s] | back to topHAPPY BIRTHDAY , MING YAO! (: today is the birthday of our dearest Mingyao, guess what! my idea works!! and i am pretty happy about it! happy that he felt shocked. remember he said , "A pleasant surprise." WOW! i was laughing inside! HOHO XD glad that we managed to call right in at 12am! and everyone coordinated as told (: S33 rocks! we will shake the world! talking about my days... one word, " Hopeful" i have been trying to ring out everybody possible in my contact list.. went to school, ask people.. and there is a change in the people coming.. Rui Yang will not be coming.. i am kinda felt a pity.. but he got chalet till sunday 2pm. so yea.. well.. shall not be so forceful luhh. (: Fri 1pm : Thomas Sat 3.30pm : Verlin , Helen , Kenny , Elieen , Jun Feng Sun 10am : Cynthia , Ben Chia that is 8 friends! can i make it to 10? 1more day to go! can i do it? i hope those who can't confirm can confirm. PHEW. still believing! this few days i had been doing something : 1) Visualise 2)Confess 3)Believe in my heart i really believe (: i have alot of things in my mind. kinda tired. i had been experiencing brain-dead. HAHA! like my brain cells don't seem to work. continuously having headache and tireness! wooooo~ SHOO SHHOOO SHHOOOO! studying MPO later soonn.. looking on to tonight! it's not over, someone! :D 0 comment[s] | back to top |