0 comment[s] | back to tophmmm. *HU...HA...HU...HA*cheering for myself. i am pretty down, but that is not suppose to be the time to feel this way. -C.A.N.N.O.T- it can't happen at this moment. i have been multi-tasking. my mind is just somewhere else where it s.h.o.u.l.d n-o-t be at. where is my focus? why am i always losing it? i don't want to fall into temptations again and again. i know this path will upset me & still i am walking in. 真是自作自受. C.M.I detest this type of me. sigh. i must be strong, i am strong,i know. i can be what i want to be. do you know what've been in my mind? -if i fail MPo, out of school i will go,HOW?- -HR,Marketing and Managerial Accounts.HOW?- -If i fail one of those,i can't go sem 4,HOW?- -it simply means i can't grad this year,HOW?- -no money pay bill,HOW?- -no money fulfill building fund,HOW?- -FATS FATS FATS, HOW?- -dilemma.HOW?- -no sense of security,don't know why,HOW?- -face is worse to worst,HOW?- -eye bags and eye black is worse,HOW?- -something is amiss, HOW?- -i can't sleep well,HOW?- upsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupset upsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupset upsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupset upsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupsetupset can i get back to the old times? time cannot reverse. :'( why?why?why? guys outta there. learn something: think twice before doing anything. seek for the right people's advice. there is so much i want to do. so much.. i want to be there for people. i can't be there for everybody. and it seems like i cannot even take care of myself. i am yearning.. yearning for many things. # a teddy hug # truth # help # true love # sense of belonging # sense of security # true care # true attention # out of poverty # focus # good memory # anti-tiredness # more diligence # more time # better skin i do really hope i can c-o-l too. but i know i have to be strong. i have to.. why am i only able to cry in the dark? when i am sleeping.. when i am at my house balcony, as if i am looking at the scenery but actually i am just crying secretly.. when i am on the bus.. when i am in the rain.. when i am walking on the street.. e.m.o is what people will say. "e.m.o" is like a casual remark for people to use on people who show their sad emotions. friends, if you just want to see the happy side of someone, there is no point to be in the friendship what is "thick and thin"? what are friends for? why people still feel lonely when they have alot of friends surrounding them? that is because they have to fake their smiles! to gain friendship, fear being called an emo and neglected. how many people can accept friends who dare to show who they themselves are? don't blame your friends for not being themselves when they are with you. reflect yourself of how you have been as a friend. *i think i am abit side tracking my blog post* TSK. sometimes no matter what i do, things will not change. 0 comment[s] | back to topmy right eye was totally swollen.my eyes were like a fish ball. but a red fish ball. early in the morning, i fell down umpteen times. because i felt dizzy and i can't see properly. everything seems to flying everywhere & my sight just couldn't be focused. i did not go to school. exams are not coming., but i am already very stressed. if i fail any subject this semester, i won't be able to proceed to sem 4 already. people like shannon,sandy and minghua seem to be doing well except me. but i am going to work harder. yeah.. my phone is going to be barred super soon. if you really have something to tell me, tag me. i will be pretty busy this few weeks. tuition-ing, servic-ing, cell group-ing, study-ing, & gett-ing tuition-ed. my schedule this week : 23 April(THUR) : 9.30am-5pm MA lecture 6pm-7.30pm Tuition 24 April(FRI) : 9.30am-12.30pm HR lecture 12.30pm-2pm Group assignment discussion(MPO) 3.20pm-5.20pm Tuition-ed ny Seth 6pm-8pm Alumni band 25 April(SAT) : 9.30pm-12.30pm HR Lecture 2pm Love dedication @ riverwalk 3.45pm choir rehearsal 5.30pm service 7pm onwards fellowship 26 April(SUN) : 1.30pm cell group 3pm onwards fellowship or home-d. everytime i see a carebear, i think of you. silly of me to get myself another carebear, just can't seem to get over you. 0 comment[s] | back to topBEAWARE! i am going to have a super long post today.hmmm. Firstly, carebear's father was announced dead on Thursday morning. I went down to find him after school. On the first day, the sorrows were not very strong. But i could see tears in his mother's eyes. I went over to hug her. I went down feeling like a stranger. And his 3 aunts asked carebear,"你的女朋友啊?" And i am there saying,"No luhh,I am his friend." Then the 3 aunts started praising me. 1st aunt,"YOu are so cute.." 2nd aunt,"You got the sweet sweet look." 3rd aunt,"Your hairstyle suits you alot." I was there -blushing-. LOL! Then i say,"No luhh.-smiles-" And they actually went to tell carebear to break up with his girlfriend and go after me.. *I can't say I am unhappy upon hearing it. I was actually happy in the deep side of me. BUT I know clearly it is impossible. He will never become C and ya.. To think,it is so ridiculous of me to be jealous when his girlfriend keeps on sms-ing him. 根本就是天经地义的事.. Yet i got so unhappy about it. I saw him looking at her messages and not replying. It leads me to think: did he treat me the same way? I actually 暗爽about it. sick right? TSK. But I doubt he will break with his coming to 4 yr gf for me one too. HAHA. which is good luhh. even though i may not feel good. but I know he and me have no future, so, i need to learn not to be selfish.* On the second day, I went down again. then one of his aunty(not the aunts), keep saying,"她很好好,很有心." to carebear. Then the stupid carebear keep looking at me and say,"啊..听到了没有!讲你很好啊!" Then I look away from him and smile to aunty. LOL. Many people come and go that day. No one left without asking,"你的女朋友啊?" And i wonder how many times i said "no" already. -laughs- I can feel that the people there loves me. (: On the third day, I did not go, i went for service. (: The ice cream fiesta was good! And there was a "Ice cream design competition". We won the Number Two place. It is under a theme,"Love" And we came up with this.. ![]() isn't it cool? let me explain! This is actually a face. ya a face that represents the 7-up guy? ya..because God love the number 7. And we had a cross at the heart which means we must have the Love of God. And i said,"If you love,you need to express it out." It is actually the word "LOVE" formed by Pocky. HAHA. cool ya! (: Then we shuttle-bus-ed to expo for service 2. Don't wish to be transferred there due to many factors? but, ya..where my leader goes, i follow. Everything by faith ba (: And i got slapped by someone because i said,"san pat po." =,= but at the split second i said,"Forgive and forget." and i chilled. she apologized to me aftermath also. I called up him to check things out. He told me he just cried. Told me quite somethings. -cheer- On the forth day, I went down in the early morning. I did not tell carebear luhh. Just in case he may be sleeping.. He has had alot of sleepless night. and i wish he can sleep more.. so,yea. was there and i saw his mother and him. His eyes was kinda red? Guess he had cried before i came ba.. But did not say anything, he said he does not want to cry in front of girls. *i was kinda upset. i could feel the sorrows. For once,i felt sorrows & tears are contagious.* So yea. did alot of stuffs. I was actually the one to look after the money(白金), wrote the names and kept the money. *don't we are like a family? LOL.* and i get free access to his house. pass me keys,ask me keep? LOL. anytime i can go up. I felt like part of them luhh. Was there till around evening. then i went to meet up with precious to pass her MP4. Then cabbed home together in the end. On fifth day, this is the day when the truth unfolds, the emotions unleashed. it was the day for cemetery. this time round,i clearly see the tears dropping while he eats. i cried along. i felt the feeling of,trying to be strong, to show others he is ok, to don't let people upset and worried, but deep inside, hoping someone could take away the agony in his soul that his beloved father is going to leave forever. my tears flow uncontrollably. during the time of chanting, his mother suddenly ran over and cried badly. this is a touching scene too. she was crying,"Ah hui ah,Ah hui..." The aunts went to hug her and stop her. this added to our sorrows too. she suddenly like fainted. and carebear and i rush over. we got her a chair to rest. the scene was really traumatizing. and i was wronged as his girlfriend by the monk! *i do not wish to proceed with it.* went with them to guang ming shan. went through with them.. it was an experience i should say.. ya..but again, me and carebear is impossible. unless he is a C. if not. no talk. ya. i stand by His principles. -write more tomorrow. still have more. stay tuned!- 0 comment[s] | back to topMY FRIENDSHIP IS NOT FOR RENTAL. i got a shock of my life. someone who is one of my best friends told me this, "... I feel like I'm renting your friendship." *laughs* rent my friendship? after what we have been through, and you say you felt that "I feel like I'm renting your friendship."? I felt .. hurt? If you say you are renting my friendship, then i want to ask, after returning the money, can you return my friendship? Money can be rent, but how friendship can be rented? How can a friendship and money be weighed together at the same weighing machine? If you are renting my friendship, I won't have went down to your ward to visit you. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have bought you food worrying you don't like the food there.. (why spend money on you, if you are the one renting and should pay?) If you are renting my friendship, why do i still stay up late to listen to you? If you are renting my friendship, why do i still fulfill my promises to you? (FYI,I don't make promises to normal friends.) If you are renting my friendship, I won't have always ask for catch ups. If you are renting my friendship, when we are in a big group i would have pangseh you. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have call you and sing to you. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have been concerned about little things of your life. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have try my best to make you laugh. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have encouraged you. (in case you may think i LOVE to encourage so it's alright, sorry but my encouragements are not to be used in vain.) I won't have been bothered when you said, "I had never tell people how i feel.(that includes me)" If you are renting my friendship, I won't have accompany you to work after seeing your blog post. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have spend so much time to go shopping with you. (well,perhaps you may say,"I bought a belt you,that's your reward.") but, you can have it back. if i receive something of the wrong intention, i will give it back. thanks anyway. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have any single hesitation to take $$ from you. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have been a single truthful to you. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have been there for you when you needed someone. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have worried for you for your computer error. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have called up my friend about how i can help you. If you are renting my friendship, I won't have tell you all my problems & my dark secrets. All I could have done is to GIVE EXCUSES & GET AWAY WITH IT. & you said, "... I was prepared for this. So yeah. bye." Does this means that a break in the friendship was expected & you did not even care to try to savage? So does this means that the friendship is no longer important? Does it means everything carried out as planned? Assumptions kill. you can think it is not. because you are the one making the assumptions. but it is not true. even right assumptions are NOT facts (: I searched deep in my heart, but i find no answer of what happened. I went to research on the sound of waves but end up hearing the drip of tears in the cup of the water. I ended it with a broken heart. Although i say zero word of salvaging, I felt the kick. [R][I][D][I][C][U][L][O][U][S] I did not foresee all these. It is so traumatizing. I am so down. but I have to be strong. I have to struggle it through without even knowing if i can do it. I asked myself : Are you jolly well enjoying? Do you not feel the hurt at all? Did you really mean it? Why you come to this point of thinking? What lead you to think this way? Is this the way you want it to be? Will you be happier after this ending? Is it really the end? 0 comment[s] | back to topi am currently very tired..didn't have enough sleep perhaps. i miss ` [[ shannon_limpeishan ]] ` luhh! faster come back luhh! TSK. tomorrow i have to pass up my assignment for MPo, and i do not know how to do luhh.. and HR! on friday.. i am so stressed. my brain cells are like all turned off.. *wake up wake up* my eyes become like hush puppies' . i am also having a bad headache now. tonight gonna go give offering to ah gong. *stress* "can i not go?" my brain muttered. i don't wish to go. but that seems to be impossible. my father wants me to go. the reason i go is to win them over ba. and i don't wish to be stressed up by their insults and nags. this year is an important year. i need to graduate this year. i don't wish to trap myself in some things i don't have confidence i can take it. i am very happy that i sticked to my focus of not having a relationship. although i almost and almost, but i did not fall into it. "heng ah" Decision falls after a desire. & decision decides your tomorrow. sounds like both contradict right? it is kinda stereotype maybe? a theory for me to know,for you to find out. (: i need to finish up MPO today. save me! 0 comment[s] | back to topi find this very interesting ! You can't decide the length of life, but you can control how you want to live it. You can't control the weather, but you can control your mood. You can't change your look, but you can smile. You can't control others, but you can control yourself. You can't foresee tomorrow, but you can utilize today wisely. You can't win everything, but you can try your very best to achieve that. Hope everyone can face the daily life positively and always happy... 0 comment[s] | back to topfinally.it is all over! (: glad i had went through it. today some things went through my mind while i was in bus. Topic: Winning Souls What is the reason you win friends over to C?
OR because of "LOVE"? i came to point of asking myself why do i bring friends to church.. is it because of the above reasons? then i concluded on my own understanding. it is because of love.i love my friends, and i experienced the best and hope for the best for them.and of course one more crucial thing. i love God. When i love someone.i want to make him happy,do the things he likes,just to make him happy and to see his smiles. If i say i love God, why am i doing things He don't like? it sounds like the same theory yea? the difference between Him and the guy we love, is that He is God,someone we cannot see. the guy we love is someone we can see with our eyes. BUT, God is someone I can feel. tangible presence that makes me whole. One more difference, the guy we love - fails us many times and is imperfect. the God we love - perfect and never fail us. and i am going to do the things that He loves and going to make Him smile (: perhaps the way i can clarify things for myself (: said my piece, back to my studies again.. all the chim-eology is attacking me! but I-M-POSSIBLE! (: I know i can! (: buhbyes readers! wish me and pray for me! HOHO XD 0 comment[s] | back to topi am going to Jun Feng's house to pick him up for the drama."THe Greatest story ever told" i am very tired right now! *yawns* i want to stop thinking. it is troubling me. indeed different status of people receives different treatment. guess i am nothing in their eyes. the reasons i went on is because of one thing. LOVE. a love of disciple towards leader. & a love for God. hmmm.s 0 comment[s] | back to toptoday is at last over..woa~ it is kinda tiring! sadly, someone fly me kite. and the two not saved. *struggling hard* Visualize! Confess! Believe! i am too tired to blog more. nite! 0 comment[s] | back to topHAPPY BIRTHDAY , MING YAO! (: today is the birthday of our dearest Mingyao, guess what! my idea works!! and i am pretty happy about it! happy that he felt shocked. remember he said , "A pleasant surprise." WOW! i was laughing inside! HOHO XD glad that we managed to call right in at 12am! and everyone coordinated as told (: S33 rocks! we will shake the world! talking about my days... one word, " Hopeful" i have been trying to ring out everybody possible in my contact list.. went to school, ask people.. and there is a change in the people coming.. Rui Yang will not be coming.. i am kinda felt a pity.. but he got chalet till sunday 2pm. so yea.. well.. shall not be so forceful luhh. (: Fri 1pm : Thomas Sat 3.30pm : Verlin , Helen , Kenny , Elieen , Jun Feng Sun 10am : Cynthia , Ben Chia that is 8 friends! can i make it to 10? 1more day to go! can i do it? i hope those who can't confirm can confirm. PHEW. still believing! this few days i had been doing something : 1) Visualise 2)Confess 3)Believe in my heart i really believe (: i have alot of things in my mind. kinda tired. i had been experiencing brain-dead. HAHA! like my brain cells don't seem to work. continuously having headache and tireness! wooooo~ SHOO SHHOOO SHHOOOO! studying MPO later soonn.. looking on to tonight! it's not over, someone! :D 0 comment[s] | back to topguess what! i gotten two more friends!!by God's grace man! indeed God is always good! whaha! Confirmed friends : Fri 1pm - Ruiyang Sat 3.30pm - Elieen ; Helen ; Kenny ; Verlin Sun 10am - Cynthia ; Ben Chia Still counting!! come on! more more more! XD i lost my ez-link card today, now i am cashless. so helpless.. but nevertheless,i belive nothing is going to be too hard (: I am going to mug on my studies starting for now. gonna put the helpless-ness aside and solve it later :D I am praying for my cg members' friends to come too. i believe "All thing is possible with Christ." HOHO! alrights! going to mug my studies during break before my lecture start at 2pm-5pm! MPO leh! siao already! YOU CAN DO IT, DELPH! 0 comment[s] | back to topthis morning i went to cut bangs.BANGS ok! *faints* it is indeed a brave act. for years. i did not touch the style of my fridge. sad to say,i dislike the fridge i have right now. it makes my face look so retard and big. but it is too late to make a big fuss out of it anymore. sian. fill me!fill me! fill me more with affirmations and praises. i am dying out of power. tomorrow is school. i dare not go to school! because of this BANGs on my head. i am kinda sad and kinda scared. aiya! very frustrated. i hope by tomorrow, my fear will all be cast out. TSK! i am scared of this thing : BANGS! today's cell group is like a prayer meeting. we prayed in 2-3 in a group. i was with shannon and clement. we prayed well,i should say. seriously(: i believe in the power of FAITH, everything will turn out well(: 0 comment[s] | back to toptoday,i had alot of feelings.sometimes it just makes me feel intimidated when i am stripped off my post unknowingly until i ask. i think it is more than just pride. i am able to accept if people tell me in the first place. i hate the type of eyes people use to look at me. it cuts into my peace and fear strikes in. it makes me feel intimidated and lousy. sometimes,i wonder what was wrong.. i am just stripped off like that. but after yesterday,i admit defeat. indeed the things she made is much more nicer ; neater ; and more creative. i can see the reactions of "someone i hope to hear a [wow] from". and also the other people there. sometimes i am tired of trying so hard to change. actually,to break me down into parts and analyze, i am just waiting for that someone to say "WOW". every week i try to wear my best, make up my best, smile my best and do everything to my best.. affirmation had been something i search for. especially from that somebody. but i think maybe i am just not good enough? i will still keep on changing.. until the day i hear two people say,"Well done." (: 1. God 2. Cell group leader today service is very very good! Pastor Kong's message of love is always good and inspiring. Love Busters!
0 comment[s] | back to topYO FANS OUTTA THERE, I AM BACK! HOHO XD!today i read a message from Pastor Kong's daily devotion. it is very interesting and it motivates me to go and read it straight away. [The 7 "I am" sayings] God said in the Bible,in the Book of John :
reflecting the light that comes from Him, you too are “the light to the world.”
past and present. Entering the sheepfold through Jesus is a saving action and provides the sheep with abundant life and provision.
But to a hireling, his only interest is self-preservation.
Final death is impossible with Him. Death will never triumph over those who believe in Him.
He is the truth about God and the very life of God. As such, He reveals truth to you and gives life to you.
It describes the relationship between Jesus and His disciples. When you abide in Christ—the true vine— your prayers will be effective (John 15:7); you will glorify God in your fruit bearing (John 15:8); you will demonstrate your discipleship (John 15:8-10); and your joy becomes full through experiencing Christ’s own joy within you (John 15:11). Invite Jesus to become the “I am” of your life, your every moment, as He fills you with His presence. okay!back to my life recently.. i had been having a throat infection i guess. i have something like one jack fruit's fruit's size at the sides of my throat. when i swallow something,it will feel painful. had been going early prayer meetings. panda eyes spirit is falling upon me already! HAHA =X i am very exhausted and fatigued! my fees not paid,no textbooks. going to school became so draggy for me this two days. staring blankly at the lecturer and powerpoint. but i persevered though. it is sooo dry. my throat is dry enough already,even the lesson is dry! goodness. haha =D but it's ok lah. with Him,all things is possible! HUHA HUHA!~ mingyao's nick, i cannot remember the whole thing but similarly like : "Stir up the engines!" yeah! i am! refreshing my day~ hurhur! my eyes are getting barbecued. red eyes spirit is chasing after me already. better get some sleep before my eyes turn eyes "red-er" precious,faster recover o! red eyes spirit,SHOO SHOO SHOO! In Jesus's name, it is casted out :D you will be okayys! don't wear your contact lens HOR! (: good night! 0 comment[s] | back to top |