B E . S T R O N G

MY FRIENDSHIP IS NOT FOR RENTAL.

i got a shock of my life.
someone who is one of my best friends told me this,
"... I feel like I'm renting your friendship."
*laughs*
rent my friendship?
after what we have been through,
and you say you felt that "I feel like I'm renting your friendship."?
I felt .. hurt?
If you say you are renting my friendship,
then i want to ask,
after returning the money,
can you return my friendship?
Money can be rent,
but how friendship can be rented?
How can a friendship and money be weighed together
at the same weighing machine?

If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have went down to your ward to visit you.
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have bought you food worrying you don't like the food there..
(why spend money on you,
if you are the one renting and should pay?)
If you are renting my friendship,
why do i still stay up late to listen to you?
If you are renting my friendship,
why do i still fulfill my promises to you?
(FYI,I don't make promises to normal friends.)
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have always ask for catch ups.
If you are renting my friendship,
when we are in a big group i would have pangseh you.
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have call you and sing to you.
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have been concerned about little things of your life.
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have try my best to make you laugh.
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have encouraged you.
(in case you may think i LOVE to encourage so it's alright,
sorry but my encouragements are not to be used in vain.)
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have been bothered when you said,
"I had never tell people how i feel.(that includes me)"
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have accompany you to work after seeing your blog post.
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have spend so much time to go shopping with you.
(well,perhaps you may say,"I bought a belt you,that's your reward.")
but, you can have it back. if i receive something of the wrong
intention, i will give it back. thanks anyway.
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have any single hesitation to take $$ from you.
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have been a single truthful to you.
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have been there for you when you needed someone.
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have worried for you for your computer error.
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have called up my friend about how i can help you.
If you are renting my friendship,
I won't have tell you all my problems
& my dark secrets.

All I could have done is to
GIVE EXCUSES & GET AWAY WITH IT.

& you said,
"... I was prepared for this. So yeah. bye."

Does this means that a break in the friendship was expected
& you did not even care to try to savage?
So does this means that the friendship is no longer important?
Does it means everything carried out as planned?

Assumptions kill.
you can think it is not.
because you are the one making the assumptions.
but it is not true.
even right assumptions are NOT facts (:

I searched deep in my heart,
but i find no answer of what happened.
I went to research on the sound of waves
but end up hearing the drip of tears in the cup of the water.
I ended it with a broken heart.
Although i say zero word of salvaging,
I felt the kick.

[R][I][D][I][C][U][L][O][U][S]

I did not foresee all these.
It is so traumatizing.
I am so down.
but I have to be strong.
I have to struggle it through
without even knowing if i can do it.

I asked myself :
Are you jolly well enjoying?
Do you not feel the hurt at all?
Did you really mean it?
Why you come to this point of thinking?
What lead you to think this way?
Is this the way you want it to be?
Will you be happier after this ending?
Is it really the end?

T A K E N . B Y . S J J

T A K E N . B Y . F Q T

T H E . V E R D I C T

I L O V E Y O U

A . P A R T . O F . M Y . L I F E

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