I am at last back to post(:

i am actually speechless about what to say over such a huge
gap of not posting! :X

I have been chionging projects till 5 plus am for consecutive 2 days!
I think I am turning into a crazy panda! /@.@\
hurhur~ i really hope my hardwork will pays off.

FTWDK,
I am actually grounded from going out.
That includes going to church and cell group. :'(
But, i believe everything happens for a reason.
Nothing happens without God's permission(:

Talking about service and cg,
i went for cg last week.
Back to where i wanted to belong to..
The feeling is so strong.
Although there aren't alot of talkings and etc,
i felt ease.
At the very least, the family that i hope i can melt in is safe and sound.
They still lead happy life and cg still goes on well without me (:
The presence was tangible and both Adeline and I could feel it.
I guess the others felt it too ba~
Great everyone is doing well (:
Then i won't need to be bothered about not being there already eh? (:
i will peacefully study and get well.
Perhaps this grounded incident is a chance for me to take a break.
Have a break from worrying.
Have a break from feeling not needed.
Have a break from struggling the emotional attack deep in my heart.
Have a break, have a kit kat~ :D

I admit i am a green apple.
It isn't that i don't like my friends to successful or what, obviously.
It is just that i am just too low self-esteem and confidence.
I am kind of tired.
I want to escape to a world with people just like me.
No more no less.
I cannot deny I hate being a shadow.
Of all the bestfriends i have,
only with best-tee,
I no need to feel so no use.
At least, she is someone who get close to me on her own accord,
rely on me in some way or another.
Of course, i still love my other bestfriends especially BESTIE. :D
She is popular, pretty, nice and lovely.(which is good for her)
ever since that incident,
i started to drift from her.
we used to be distance apart yet heart close.
but now, even when she is just next to me,
the heart is still near,
but i can feel that she is no longer someone who needs me as much like before.
It isn't about whether she also tells me about her problems.
It is about I am no longer that someone significant whom no one can replace.
I used to be the one who knows things about her that people don't,
or should i rephrase, i thought i know everything but in the end,
those people around her know more.
I abhor the feeling when people question me,"She never tell you meh? she is your bestie what i thought?"
It just piss me off.
BUT, it is the PAST already.
i still love her like before.
even though it isn't all about me anymore,
or it never was ALL about me.
But, hmm.... oh yes.. (:
& i am happy for her, seriously.
for what she has got (:
& i thank her for all the things she had done.
She had sacrificed ALOT for me,seriously.
i think i owe her alot and alot.
even her mom.
no word can describe that gratefulness in me.
they gave me a helping hand when i am down,
when i need jobs,
when i am financially broke,
when i am hungry but is penniless,
when my ez link card has no more money and again penniless.
so so so much.
i am really thankful about it. (:
THANKS BESTIE AND BESTIE'S MOM! <3



Sometimes i really feel so



ya, i mean sometimes. *grins*



Just want to write down a quote (:

"When you feel like giving up,
remember why you held on for so long in the first place."



but i am just afraid that the reason behind it
will be the reason i give up.
*back to be an independent girl *
what else?
will anyone wants and will protect me with action and not just empty words on his/her accord?
*wonders*


on a lighter note,
my family relations with each other is getting better (:


#FTWDK = For Those Who Doesn't Know

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