I so so want to get a diploma in make up in Cosmoprof Academy!
It costs $3,424.00 !
It costs a bomb!
But still I think it is the line I want to carve my career in.
I think there will be many people who will object this idea,
but for once, I just want to study the things I want to.
I don't want to live by people's comments and judgment anymore.
It is tiring.
I just want to pursue what I have passion in.


It is so important.
Important to keep you going,
makes your heart burn!
It just gives you the fuel to run further.


p.s I just want to keep on keeping on!

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This is a late post I wanted to post for a long time.
It is about the second time I went clubbing (:
Seriously, I did not have any fun.
Being watched like as if you were someone's burden doesn't feel good at all.
However,I think many couldn't understand.
Some say, "You think too much."
while some say, "Don't think so much la."
Sometimes I just want to go there and let down my hair.
I think in this modern society,
it is not easy to show your true self especially when there are so many people who are out there trying to find a chance to hurt you.
Sometimes, perhaps we had learnt to hide our true feelings too well that we lost ourselves, begin to be unsure of who we really are.
And that is when I think getting some drinks and dance in the club is the one of the easiest way to find out how you truly felt.
I feel that club is the place where people are more accepting and open to all types of people.
I know I am not good-looking, no one will want to tackle me,
but still, I can freely drink and dance the way I want.
No one will stop me, no one will say anything.
Perhaps because they could understand that we are just one of the lost soul who needs to do some findings of ourselves.
Seriously, I am not there to look for relationships or look at some kind of hunks.
I am just there to chill and have fun.
And to me, that is not a bad place.
Perhaps it is because I am too fat and ugly so no one will approach to want to know me as they aren't interested in me.
That's why I won't encounter much problems.
I remembered Juju was there together with Bestie, Best-Tee and me.
Quite some people approached Bestie and Juju.
So when Juju turned to me when approached,
I looked at them and say,"No."
I told her to tell them we are lesbians! :D
haha! what a way right? :)
I want to learn to dance!
Like those real nice and hot moves.
So what even if I am fat and ugly?
God was still blown away when He made me. (:
And I am satisfied.
I do not want to be always so unhappy with life.
Seriously, I feel that it just waste makes me waste my life away.
I do not want to shortchange myself anymore.
And I am moving forward (:

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如果我再也看不见明天の太阳。。。

世界依然会转，
时间依然不会停留，
四季依然继续流转，
彩虹依然有七种颜色，
雨依然会下，
雷依然会那么响亮，
云依然会飘，
太阳依然会从东边升起，
朋友の生活也依然必须继续走下去。。

没有了我，
不好の ：
可能少了些笑声，
可能少了些变脸动作，
可能少了些搞笑の话题，
可能少了一个朋友，
可能少了些糖果吃。。

但不要忘记，我从未是你の全世界。


好の ：
少了些麻烦，
少了些劝我の口水，
少了些不安の心，
少了些猜测，
少了些担心，
少了些愤怒，
少了些我の牢骚，
少了曾因为我而拥有の沉重の心情，
少了些怀疑，
少了些必须拥有才能推动我の力量。。

摆脱了我の控制，这算是一种解脱吧。。

却
多了快乐の时光，
多了发自内心の微笑，
多了一颗更强の心，
多了一些勇气，
多了一个理由让你更加必须好好の活下来，
多了很多可以轻松の日子，
也终于可以耳目清晰了。。

没有了我，是不是比较好呢？(:

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I went for work at Tung Lok today (:
I always look forward to working there.
The reasons are :

• The manager (Vincent) is nice to me.
• The supervisor (Guo wen) is also nice to me.
• The Uncle Pang is SUPER NICE to me.
• Xiu lian is always so loving to me.
• Adeline is there to work with me and hear my thoughts.
• People there are super friendly.
• I love service sectors.
• I got alot of praise and from there, i found confidence and love. Really felt being treasured and noticed. (:
• People there looks at the good side on me instead of the bad side.
• They love my smiles.
• They cherish me.
• They welcome me.
• They love me.
• They always render their help to me.

(: yes, it is that much.
they make me feel, i am no longer that shadow. (:
that makes me feel that i am treasured and wanted.
I am praised by the manager that i am super popular,
and demanded.
He followed me to the tables i go,
even if it wasn't me who take care of the tables,
the people will talk to me and smile.
He said he got blown away.
He said it once to me on the phone,
and today, he praised me in front of EVERYBODY! :D
WOOLA LA!! <3

AND,
i suddenly felt so infatuated with this guy,
gosh. i just can't get my eyes off him~!
GOSH GOSH GOSH!
he is nice, to me la!~ (:
he is 24 years old.
but he told me he is single.
and i asked him why,
he told me perhaps it was because of his high expectations.
SO,
i think, no chance already. sadded.
a chef wanted to get my number for very long already,
but i always have no time to give.
hahs. perhaps this is what i call, NO FATE.
but, they are nice people la.
Today, he told me,"Since i gave you my number mean we r fren ledy."
WOOHOO! friends le!!
no more just work relationship!!
YAY!! :D
okayys.. enough of 发花痴! :DDD



HAPPY BIRTHDAY SANDY & MARLIN! :DDD
Tons of love to both of you!
hope both of you enjoy your birthday! <3

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FINALLY,
I went clubbing. :D
POWERHOUSE! <3 size="5">
TOTALLYADDICTED!

This is my very first time.
Initially we were queue-ing at butter factory,
but it was a really LONG QUEUE.
after waiting for like 1 hours plus plus plus,
we decided to cab down to powerhouse instead.
There, was my kor and friends.
they were protective over ask.
he held my hands when he was leading the way,
my heart accidentally skipped a beat.
*i should not feel that way*
i hugged him.
my heart skipped another beat again.
*guilty*
i danced and danced. trying to pick up moves and enjoy.
but without alcohol, it is just not that easy.
So, i went to get the drinks.
At first, there was no kick,
but a few minutes later,
the kick came,
TADA! drunk!
& guesss what?
i lost my shoes.
so i was simply bare footed dancing the whole night!!
i went to the platform to dance,
and REALLY DANCE like CRAZY~! :D
the inner part of me was totally unleashed,
i guess i ran wild TOTALLY.
dance like never before! :D
it was super easy and natural for me.
I heard i fell down, and there the BALUKU on my head!
GOSH. it was REALLY painful okayy!!?
i think i was crazy.
i cried throughout and shocked some people.
adeline told me she was so shocked that
when she try to wipe my tears,
my tears seems to never stop flowing.
but seriously, i am really upset.
just that, i need to hide it and push it down my throat.
and this is seriously making my heart hard.
i can feeel like my heart is made of stone.
only sometimes to some people,
my heart become flesh.
sometimes, i bury so much that i find that i have lost myself.

okok!! back to clubbing stuffs..
i guess i made a fool of myself?
i heard that when denise was driving,
i went to open the door,
SERIOUSLY,
it was NOT in my memory AT ALL~
GOSH.
and what's more?
hmm. he drove me to yishun dam.
A REALLY NICE PLACE.
adeline and me were sitting there.
and there i am, still crying.
HAHA :'D
aftermath, i proceed on to linda's house.
After i woke up, the HANGOVER was MADNESS!!
The word,"Alcohol, vodka, tequila" and the sight of
anything that looks like it, even the nice glasses,
makes me PUKE!


Clement treated me for dinner at Vienna,
a super nice place which is at united square (:
a seafood buffet.
I love the food, really.
Thank you clement!! :DD

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I want my beautiful smile back (:









It hasn't been a good time for me.

Thinking that I will fail both Marketing and MA,
then proceeding to being kicked out of school..
is really a torture for me.
A thousand litres of tears cannot even describe this feeling of mine.

Have you ever had this feeling like,
you feel like giving up,
but you can't?
Stucked in the middle, standing there helplessly?
You feel like a wondering soul on the street while walking?
Have that whole chuck of emptiness filled with fear and helplessness?

That is how i feel now.

up at this early morning 5.30am,
having this fear in my heart,
so traumatize by it.

P.s : i am still struggling hard to surface up from the deep waters.

Today i went for dinner with Ade, Linda,Feli, Austin, Marlin, Mingyao and Prissy at Central.
I drank Heineken.
Well well, yes,thats the reason you are guessing why (:
I don't wish to elaborate, though (:
We went for Zone PM,
without any doubt,
it is really GREAT!
a really power up one!
We learnt to pray with our heart. (:
Mingyao spoke to me (:
For once, i spoke how i felt on the spot.
I think it was the effect of the Heineken? LOL!
Just joking, he was really patient in listening to me.
That was why i spoke.
For the first time,
i talked about how i felt boldly.
but still gasping for air to ease that fear in my heart.
I guess i need time.
really. i need solutions.
i need help.
i need a listening ear.
i need love. (:


p.s GODISNOWHERE.

how did you interpret that?
is it God is NO WHERE?

The actual meaning is..
God is NOW HERE! (:

Peace (:



-thousands of TEDDY HUGS just attacked you! ♥

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