Can you recognized which is me?

This is when I'm in my primary school. 😂

At this age, I was already crying, already learning how to let go of a guy which I like.
Learning how to look at other people's feelings..
Learning how to be there for my friends.

I was always the one being unwanted.
But, only one, one 👨, my band conductor, Mr Simon Ng, one who trusted in me, and shielded me from the rest of the children.

That's how I got connected through music, throughout my primary and secondary school days. 😊

I miss those days and at the same time am glad it's over somehow.

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18 Jan 2018,
The day I visit the doc to check out how its my MCL recovery.
Doctor checked my knee and said it has not recovered much, still too loose.

Doctor gave me another six weeks to monitor the healing..

Aww... Delay of surgery, delay of pain, delay of full recovery, delay of earning money,delay of paying my debts.

Okay, finish ranting..

And so, thank you for taking leave and sending me to 🏥..

I'm grateful and appreciative 😊

posted from Bloggeroid

15/01/2018,
I received a call from the HR.
I was told I breach the contract because I did not turn up on 02/01/2018.
She says she will ask the management to write an official letter to me so that I don't have pay the money due to not turning up despite them knowing that I actually injured my knee badly.
I was told that due to my medical condition and not turning up on that day, the contract will be voided.

It was a mixed feelings.
I ended the call with a heavy heart.
I start to reminisce those days I had been there.
The friendships that was built, the passion I had to making the things I do, well.
Everything seem so afar from me.

Do people really miss me as much as I do?
Or, it was just my own feelings all this while?

I looked in the mirror and asked myself deeply.
What kept me staying here?
Maybe it was the feeling of conquering the land I never stepped on before?
Maybe it was the friendships that was formed?
Maybe I just wanted to impress myself and the people I like?

People come and go, do my presence really make a difference?
Probably the harsh truth was that ANYONE can just cover the place as long as they can work, isn't it?
All the company need was people to work, support.
They need people, not my identity.

I was just a making money tool to the agency because I can work as long as there is job for me.
It was just a pure exchange.

After thinking through, nothing seem that important anymore.

Things and people I held so close to my heart, may not be the same as me.

I probably was once someone they enjoy working with, but it doesn't matter if I'm around right?
How irony.

I believe I'm thinking way too deep and analysing things too much.

Well, I had those feelings from the two people I held closest to my heart in the company.

One went missing in action,completely no text, completely no sound.
One makes me confused about our weekly meet-up. Whether it was really important or a dread for him to meet up. Maybe it was my injury that stopped our weekly meet-up? Or worse, maybe it was that he wants to keep a bigger distance between us? I'm more than afraid to make people uncomfortable and being troublesome for them much say for someone I held so close to my heart.

I will not be a childish person to keep on dwelling but still I hold the person close to me.
I want to be the me that was so freedom, just ask and don't care so much.

P. S:- sometimes the closer you get to one person, the more you think, the more you are afraid to lose them. And this may cause abnormal behaviours that really push away them.

It's a balance between your thoughts and your behavior. (＊￣︶￣＊)

I will take these months to rest and recover well. 😊

posted from Bloggeroid

I go up on a bike to go out. 😊
Certainly not easy because of the placement of my foot.
But still I tolerated it just to go on a ride and feel like a normal healthy human.😂

13 Jan 2018, also marks the 8th year of our relationship.
I don't know how things will turn but all I know is that I want to be a better person and learn to love myself for now.

Of course, there's distance again with some friendships again.
But, I choose to handle it more maturedly.
If one doesn't want to be in contact much with me, I will not force.
I believe that they know how I will feel and think ,so when they choose the steps they take, it probably means that my unhappiness was already part of their prediction.
And since my happiness isn't jmportant to them enough, I respect that everyone put themselves as priority.

So, kudos to all! 😘

posted from Bloggeroid

A reminder I should be saving from today.
I miss those days I can work and save money even when I can't spend much.


Treasure days you can make money with your ability.

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After I put on the knee braces and tighten it, out of a sudden I can walk without clutches.
Even though I'm limping.
But the feeling of being able to walk without falling is AMAZING and TOUCHING to me.

Although I could only walk for about 30mins today and once I take off my brace I am unable to walk, I still manage to get my food on my foot.

It really is a memorable day of 2018.

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