Besties for life :
Shannon Lim Pei Shan
Adeline Tan Peck Ying
Linda Ang Kiat Ying.

Thankyou for letting me be sure of who my besties are.

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Today is a special day to me.
Cynthia and I ended our bestie friendship.
Reasons?
Misunderstanding?
Doubts held in the heart?
But, there is no turning back now too.
No point too.
I think I am being dumb.
She had been good.
& I don't wish to say more here
since here is public.
Goodbye.

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HAPPY 3RD MONTH-SARY to the KAZU FAMILY~
Thank you for coming to my office just to send
the kou rou fan for me to eat.
You are the best~
Thank you for all your love and care.
Thank you for all the infinity "I love you"
you told me, just to make me feel secure.
Thank you for always giving in to me.
Thank you for all the things you sacrifice for me.
"I love you" is never enough for me to express how i feel.
I can only confirmly say,"No one will love you more than I do."
Many months to go o~

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After being bugged to blog for a long time by bestie & sor zai,

I decided to take some time off to update.



I was thinking that my blog is kind of dead,

so I never think much of updating tho.

I had also been busy with work and the chapalangs~

So, please pardon me if you are a fan of my blog.(which I don't know who.)



I have not been feeling well tho.
My foot still hurts and I can't wear shoes.
I can only wear slippers. :(
And everyday I am wearing the slipper boyf bought for me when
my heels' strap broke.
There is still a moderate big lump on my foot there which
is still painful when touched.
And it affects my nerves.
When I scratch the toes, there is barely much feeling.
As in it is different from the left foot's feeling?
It is like "ma-ma" like that?
Sigh~!
This few months, I seems to be kind of clumsy.
Hitting this and that,
falling down here and there.
Maybe that is because of the SUPER EXCESS FAT in me. :((
TAOYAN~! no matter how I try, it is like that. SIAN!
Find myself really HIDEOUS! YUCKS*
I am starting to hate myself.
From head to toe. :(
Don't even want to camwhore or look too much into the mirror.
pukes*
Whatevver =.=
Between me and boyfriend,
it is good and yeah as loving as before. :)
that is the best boost for me. :)


his dad isn't doing well and everyone are so worried.
I am also very worried about it.
he had been a really nice daddy to me.
he always praise me and approves me to be together with boyf.
I really pray hard that he will be alright.
And i will not doubt it.
I want people to be able to see God through his problem,
and I believe in the name of Jesus. :)
Jiayou, Schirmer Dad! <3


I had been feeling lethargic all these while.
Sleeping around midnight,
waking up early in the morning..
going to a boring place to work.
the only thing i like is the pay at least. =.=
and there are only 6 people working together.
that means less politics.
or maybe the air con lo?
sigh! sian! office job is never my type of job.
not even once. :\
but for my studies and building fund,
i will stay on.
i have alot to pay.
my bills, my boyf's stuffs, dad and mum&building fund.
sigh! no rest.
mon-fri work, sat- service, sun- boyfriend.
I am kinda tired out.
I want to rest but i also want to catch up with my bestie,
best-y and best-tee and boyf.
it is kinda hard, but worth all my time.
i really need to schedule my time properly.
PHEW.
I hope things will turn out well for everyone.
Off I go,
update another time. :)

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Happy 2nd month-sary! ♥

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THANKS FOR THAT PUNCH.
you fucking idiot.
cb.

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When your words are so hurtful that I turn a dead ear.

No matter what I do,
it will never be enough.
No matter how hard I try,
you will never acknowledge it.
To you,
results are the best explanation.
Kill me then.
I really can't be that perfect daughter of yours.
I may not do a lot of housework.
But,
I did pack medicine into the capsules so that you can eat.
But you say you DON'T NEED.
And when I did not do so,
you say I can't understand you.
I do pedicure for you.
You say you DON'T NEED.
And when i did not do it,
you say I don't care about you.

Sorry mum, but it hurts.

I know I always turn a deaf ear.
I just do not know what to do.
I don't want it to affect anymore.
Going to the mirror,
telling the mirror image of me
that "I am pretty, I am worth of goodness." daily is tiring.
And after I do it,
just a sentence from you,
can drop all my confidence,self-worthiness, self-esteem
to drop ZERO.
I am scared.
I admit I am just an insecure girl.

Being with such a suave prince,
someone who is so respectable,
someone who is so nice and good character,
I am disappointed with myself as well.
I feel that I am not worthy of him too.
I feel that I am not good enough too.
But, I am trying.
Trying really hard.
But.... you will never understand.

In your eyes,
I am just that.
I am someone who is unworthy of goodness.
I am someone that even if I want to go and "sell", no one will want.
I am someone who will never be loved.
I am someone who can't last long in relationship,
because I am too fat for them and they will turn their hearts away from me
when they see the world more.

Sorry, it hurts.
Really.

I chose to turn a deaf ear. Sorry. Forgive me.

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HAPPY 1 MONTH ANNIVERSARY ❤

It is our one month :D
This one month had been really great.
A month we open up ourselves
and to know each other better..
Clearing of doubts..
Trying out things we never did before.
I can only say that as time goes by,
my love for him is more and more.
Although lesser smses,our hearts are still close.
I call this,
" The Power of chattering hearts "

The two ultimately turning into one.

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I am sorry that sometimes I get a lil' jealous,
thinking that someone else can make you happier than I could.
I guess it's my insecurities acting up.
Because I know that I am not the prettiest,
smartest or the most fun and exciting girl.
But I do know that no matter how hard or long you look,

YOU WILL NEVER FIND SOMEBODY THAT
LOVES YOU LIKE I DO. (:


No idea why I am feeling that bad.

Maybe of what my mum said and stumbled me?
Maybe my insecurities are acting up?
Maybe I am just someone who is selfish enough to only want
undivided attention?
*ponders*

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HAPPY 300th posts! :D
dedicating this post for SCHIRMER JOEL JONATHAN. (:


























He is my miracle..
He is my light..
He is my guidance..
He is my confidence..
He is my strength..
He is my reason to love..
He is my proudness..
He is my love..
He is my prince..
He is my dearest..
He is my bestfriend..
He is my boyfriend..
He is my listening ear..
He is my sword..
He is my shield..
He is my heart-mender..
He is my blanket..
He is my partner..
He is my precious..

He is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with..
He is the one I want to walk down the altar with..
He is the one I want to help fulfill his dream..
He is the one I want to walk through thick and thin with..
He is the one I want to see again even in heaven..
He is the one I want to hold his hands forever..
He is the one I want to have him to myself forever..
He is the one I want to cling on to till the end..
He is the one I want to go the highways and the byways for..
He is the one I want to give all of my best..
He is the one I want to understand from the tiniest thing..
He is the one I want to entrust myself to..
He is the one I want to make things work no matter how tough it is..
He is the one I want to treasure always..
He is the one I want to support always..
He is the one I want to see him through all his days..

I had gave him my mind..
I had gave him my heart..
I had gave him my soul..
I had gave him my support..
I had gave him all that I could and couldn't..

But to me, it is never enough~

I will make things work, together hand in hand with him.
Even if it is really tough.
Yes, no matter how hard it is.
I will persevere, because of him. (:

Prince,
I want you to know that I will be alright out here.
I know you are really working hard in NS.
I understand you really wish to be there for me all the time.
I am here , baby!
I will always be..
Thank you so much for appearing in my life.
Thank you being the burglar who breaks into my life and steal my heart
yet clumsily left yours in replace of mine.
Your heartbeat beats in mine.
You had been really wonderful.
What more can I ask for?
I know one has his flaw :D
And I have it too!
Didn't you try to accept it too?
So will I!
You had loved me when I am at the ugliest.
And I will become the type of girlfriend whom will match up to yours,
though I know you don't mind it at all. =X
Maybe people call this pride, people call it ego.
But I call it the motivation to keep improving.
I am a perfectionist in disguise! :D
And I am a selective perfectionist! :X
And you are the reason why I want to be~

Lastly,

I love you ♥



Agape,
Winnie-Delphine . F (:

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B.L.I.S.S

you say that the $100 that time is nothing.
because it is very little.
but it means alot to me.
Out of the little you have,
you still gave me.


Thankyou so much, really!
LOVE YOU,BOYF ♥ .

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boyf, jiayou inside camp o!
i will work hard together with you. :)

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SCREEEEEEEAAAMMMM!



I hope it helps.

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I love my boyf. (:

he makes me feel like the Earth is made of love shape.

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The cramps are really not tolerable.

I can hardly walk.
Like seriously... jialat.
collapsed on the floor when i got down on the bed
because it is really painful.


not going for work today.
can't move much as well. :(

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Down down down down down....



Totally madness.
I had a bad day.
I had a bad stomach pain.
To make things worse, I had stomach cramps.
It is totally >,<
The upper and lower part of the stomach is in pain.
I still have to work.
When I see the food there,
I feel like puking.
I can already feel my body shaking when I am working.
Running up and down,
moving here and there,
standing up and down..
To make things WORST,
my mind aren't working well.
It is having wild thoughts.
Thoughts that I should not have.
A mindset that I should not have.
Stomach pain + Stomach cramps + Wild thoughts = HELL
Not only my physical body is upset,
even my heart is upset.
Had my whole day feeling disturbed and annoyed.
I am kinda tired.
I did not have a good sleep yesterday as well.
I really had a bad day! :/


As the status goes higher,
expectations will automatically go higher.
And when it does not match the expectations,
people are easily provoked and disappointed.

Are you disappointed in me? :(

Why am I so affected?
I shouldn't be.
Perhaps it is my immature thinking.

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I AM OFFICIALLY ATTACHED ♥

I am attached to SCHIRMER JOEL JONATHAN~!
He is my prince~!

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Take All of me for one of yours.

I think this is a kinda sentimental sentence
which was randomly shot into my mind.
Have you ever felt like you want to give away
all of yours just for one of the other's?
Like wanting to give all of yours to God
for one of His?
I feel it is very true.
I want to give all of mine to Him to
really seek His forgiveness,
His grace,
His love,
His touch
& His presence. (:

Even in the terms of relationship.
You want to give all of yourself to get him/her?
Sometimes even going through the highways and the byways.
You never knew you could do so much.
Because of love,
you are able to cross every barrier.
Because of love,
you are willing to take a step forward.
Because of love,
you will swim the ocean and cross the mountain.
This is how power love can be.
No matter how painful it takes,
you are willing to take it up.
just for love.

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My kor, Jeffrey, used 3 things to describe me.

The soap bar = delphine's sms that wash away the unhappiness.
wok = delphine's face that you see and then will be happy.
toilet bowl = delphine's sms that flush away the unhappiness.


Seriously,
I think it is really creative and sweet~
He is always full of funny ideas, JUST LIKE ME!
有其哥必有其妹! :D

Thankyou so much, KOR! :D

Another message I got was from Kyria Siah.
She sent me this message,

"Hello dear! Just wanna say that I appreciate
your daily night messages! (:
although we don't really meet up these days
but you're still a friend that I hold dearly too!
Stay happy and have a good night rest!
Let's catch up some time soon! *loves*"

I think it is really sweet of her to send me this message.
I felt really warm by it.

Although many people do not reply to my good night messages,
I think it is absolutely alright.
The purpose of me sending is to help the person I sent to,
to end their night well.
Just when your day was really hectic,
someone who should be there wasn't,
just want to tell you that you aren't forgotten!
I hope by sending good night messages to you,
you will feel more loved! (:

I think I had been a blissful girl,
knowing this boy which i called,"prince".
In his eyes, I am always so wonderful.
He always believes in me in whatever I do.
He trusts me totally.
He is just different.
So different that it feels like he jumped
out from the book of fairytales.
I always question myself,
"How can such a guy ever appear on Earth?"
Or perhaps when he appears,
he will only belong to those that are pretty,
which I am absolutely not.
I think he is really a gift from above to me.
The most important thing is that,
we have chattering hearts. (:
There are a lot of things we do not have to say it,
yet our hearts can sense it and interpret it. (:
I had been really happy and gained lots of confidence
after being with him (:

Thankyou, PRINCE! (:

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YES! I did it! :D
I have changed my blogskin!
Like........ FINALLY~
WOOhoooo!
I love this skin alot.
The picture may seems a lil' emo
like as if someone has left me.
BUT,
that's not the case. (:
I am very happy and satisfied already! :D
I had a good prince! :D


I went for interview today.
It is admin work at TT Bisso Salvage Asia Pte Ltd.
I really want to try this out man!
I think it can helps to gain experience.
This company do shipping and stuffs like that.
I will be totally NEW in this.
But,
I am willing to work hard!
I am willing to learn!
I really am!
:D
Jiayou,
MASHMALLOW-POTATO.Q! <3

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其实很多男孩子都不知道，

女孩子在冲他们发火后自己转过身却在不断啜泣。

实很多男孩子都不知道，

女孩子从来不会真正去生他们的气，因为她是真的喜欢他在乎他。

其实很多男孩子都不知道，女孩子只会对自己喜欢的男生唠唠叨叨，

也只会对自己喜欢的人耍性子。

你要知道，假若她不喜欢你，她根本不会来在乎你关心你，怕你做错事情。

你要知道，假若她不喜欢你，她根本不会对你发火不会冲你撒娇让你哄她，

在别人面前她都是淑女。

你要知道，假若她不喜欢你，你根本就没有本事让她哭泣，

让她即使生气也不会超过2天。

而这一切都只是因为她喜欢你，而这一切都因为你还不够在意她不够懂她。

　　
于是，你们时常争吵，你认为她脾气不好，她认为你不够迁就她。

于是，你们总是冷战，你以为她不喜欢你，她以为你不在乎她。

于是，你们总是莫名其妙的彼此错过，也许擦身而过，本身就是一种悲伤着的无奈与幸福。

　　
要知道，凄美依然是美的一种，并且美的绚丽悲凉而沧桑，那是更加的美。

因为她喜欢你，所以她偶尔冲你发火，时常对你撒娇。

因为她喜欢你，所以她才会生你的气；

而又因为喜欢你，她才不会去生气很久。

你可知道，每个女孩子的心都是水晶做的，晶莹剔透，但是很容易就碰伤摔碎。

你可知道，每个女孩子都是不设防的，你那么轻易就闯进她的心，走的时候却只留下伤害。

她从来都不知道，这个世界上根本没有可以让她哭的人，

因为真正值得她哭的那个根本舍不得让她哭。

她会很矜持，

她会很骄傲，

她会很冷淡，

她总是嘴里说着你走开，心里却一直叫你留下。

你了解女孩吗?

　　
请你张开你的耳朵，

也请你打开你的心，

去听她心里真正的呼唤，

而不是她嘴里的口是心非。

她会看着你转身，然后她跟着你转身，当侧身而过的时候，

你看不见她的泪，滂沱在脸上心里。

如果你喜欢她，请你多陪她；

如果你喜欢她，请你多宠她；

如果你喜欢她，请你多让她。

如果你喜欢她，请你去听听她内心的声音，那是呐喊——请拥抱她。

在爱情里，总是彼此伤害，彷佛这样才能证明自己爱得激烈爱到轰轰烈烈。

可是，爱情里没有孰对孰错；

爱情里更加没有你比我多我比你少。

你爱她，她爱你，如此就已经足够。

不要试图让彼此的伤害，让彼此更加脆弱悲伤。

你们彼此相爱，你们需要的是温暖是幸福是甜蜜是快乐，不是伤害。

不要用沉默宣战，不要互不相让，

更不要什么话都不讲就冷漠离去。

要知道，你离去的时候，你的眼睛起了雾，她的眼角泛着泪光。

越是安静战火就越深，这是冷战也是彼此的伤害——

无论是怎么的复合，那些伤口曾经存在，抹不去。

请跟她一个拥抱，用你的拥抱去化解她心里的悲伤与眼角的泪水。

她喜欢你，她绝对不会拒绝你的拥抱，她只会害怕你的冷漠转身无声安静。　
　　　
请记住，相爱的人不要轻易宣战，因为冷战带来的伤害，超出你的预计。

也请记住，只要你喜欢她，没有什么是你接受不了的，

只要你喜欢她，就喜欢她的一切一切。

那么她所有的小性子所有的坏脾气所有的臭毛病，在你眼里都是撒娇。

也请记住，她喜欢你，她需要的不是你真的转身，她嘴里说着的也不是她的真心话。

她只是想你宠她，想你抱她，哪怕，没有道谦。

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RECUPERATED <3

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I STUMBLED TOTALLY,
BROKE DOWN AND CRY.





Delphine,
It's okay,
tomorrow is gonna be alright
when you wake up. (':

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I am a lil' tired.
I am a lil' moody.
I am a lil' wavered.
I am a lil' down.
I think I will be alright.
I think it will just be today.

Did I really think too much?
I just don't know how to face it alone.
I don't know how to say it.
I want it to be in the light.
I want blessings.
I want to prove that we can make it.
I want.
I don't want to let go.
I don't want to be forced to make a tough decision.
I don't want to feel so terrified.
I don't want to make either party feel bad about me(again).

How I wish I can be a princess,
so that I can match up to prince.
How I wish I am strong in spirit,
so that I can lead him(at least).
How I wish and wish.
But it all seems so far.

Am I being a lil' emo here?
I guess I am.
I just couldn't control.
I can't seems to smile today.
My eyes are droopy.
My smile has turned to a frown.
I don't know why.
I just want to be stress-free.
That only happens when I am with you.
I don't want to care about other things.
I think I am really selfish.
REALLY SELFISH.
sigh!


sorry friends,
I just want to rant. =X


GOOD NEWS IS................
CITY HARVEST FINALLY FOUND A PLACE
FOR OUR CHURCH!
12,000 seaters!
WOOHOO~! :D

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To have you is the greatest bliss ♥

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I REALLY HAD A GREAT TIME WITH YOU

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I FINALLY MADE A CHOICE.

I want this man, ONG SHUI SHI,
OUT OF MY LIFE.
This is no longer just a talk or a try.
BUT, i am going to do it,
in a process of doing it,
and soon it will come to pass.
And i mean it.
It really will.
As soon as by Thursday.
Looking back at the days when I missed him,
dated with him, loved him, tolerated..
I wonder how I came this far.
Hershey pie and coke light,
all stucked in my mind.
Memories I used to hold dearly in my heart.
Days when I sleep wetting my pillow.
Time when I try to do the best to please you.
I was wrong, utterly wrong.
Or should I say, I was silly.
Knowing you love chip and dale,
I saved up all the little I had just to buy
the chip and dale puzzle for you.
Put it together on my own,
pasted it on a big puzzle frame,
writing all the birthday messages to you,
writing my blessings to you.
And all that you could respond was,
"I never wanted it from you even when we were dating."
I asked again,"You really don't want right?"
You said,"Of course don't want la!When you wanted to
give to me, when did i ever seems like i want it?"
That's it.
That was the last time I hand my 真心 to you.
And it ruined it.
Maybe not my real HEART,
but that piece i made for you,
every stroke was my blessing and love.
But, you can just "throw" it with words like that.
That's enough.
really.
you said you never needed anything from me,
and if you want something, you will use your own $$$
to buy it and wanted me to GET THIS CLEAR.
Yes, I got this clear.
But you get this clear too.
This piece is not made for you because you WANTED it.
It was done because I wanted to do something for you,
wanted to melt that ice heart of yours.
Want to help mend the broken pieces of your heart
back.
Want to erase that haunting experience you had in your birthday
with your ex.
BUT, ALL YOU COULD SEE, is only about YOU,YOUR thinking.
You can only judge from YOUR perspective.
Feel from YOUR own senses.
See from YOUR own eyes.
You never knew how self-centered you were.
But there I was,
never giving up.
Giving you as much as I could.
I can only say, I gave you all that I can ever hold.
Every single thing.
All that I had.
All i wanted was you to lay your eyes on me for once.
But, you will never.
in the relationship of 2years plus.
You never once had your eyes laid on me.
It was only when your "need" is met.
Sacrifice upon sacrifice.
And all you can ever say,
was all your "don't want"(s) and your "no"(s)
and "none of my business"(s).
All you can ever care is yourself.
Your heart,
your pride,
your ego,
your feelings
and your past wounds.
And all i do is useless to you.
It meant nothing to you,
from the start till the end.
(: guess it's all over now.
it already time to let you move out of my heart.
Maybe it was only the memories that held me back.
I was trapped in the memories,
in the true heart i gave that was stepped on.
Perhaps, I have long long ago no longer love you?
i don't know.
But whatever it is,
you are out of life.
for now and ever.
I will put guards all around my heart just to look out
for you and ban you from entering.
No more hershey pies and coke light because of YOU.
It will only be my likes and my wants.
I have chose to move on.
Since you have chosen to "throw" it away,
The puzzle will be burnt in front of prince.
I want nothing to do with you again.
Thank you. (:

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According to you

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Ever since he stepped into my life,
my life is never the same.
Seed starts to have roots,
leaves start to grow,
and flowers start to bloom.
No "i love you" is said,
but we can sense it in our hearts.
It is really like some kind of telepathy?
In Chinese they call it,"心电感应".
it is whereby, there isn't a need to speak in words.
There is some kind of weird affirmation deep down.
And you know what?
I have found the one who suit the "he" in song of According to you.

One of the sweetest thing i ever seen someone posting
online about me is from him,
"I met an Angel that wished me good night and gave me good dreams, took away my worry, and single handedly brought me to heaven…"

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Someone is reading my blog.
And really through all my posts.
He is prince (:
He uh he,
always say things that make my heart skips a beat.
It is just like having a Lamborghini racing in my heart.
HEH. You will never understand.

MY HEART JUST LITERALLY RACED!!

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Does He Like Me? Your Result: He Loves You GIRL!! this man is day dreams for a special little someone... YOU! go after him, and let anything happen! enjoy your love life! hmm i need more characters so i will ramble hi how are you this boy likes you goodday! and happy crushes! lol
he crushes over you... =)
he likes you
He is in Head Over Heals MAD Love for YOU!
he thinks your a total DOPE
Does He Like Me? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Serious? I dare not think.

what is your superpower? Your Result: fire manipulation Wow, you are hot headed and you have a good reason, you almost always are running a temperature. You cannot create fire, only control it, kinda good for whoever you're facing; who knows? You could get angry at your mom and kill her...
water manipulation
psycic
Technopath
what is your superpower? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I WON'T KILL lea.. TSK.





OKOK only lo.
indeed a very easy person to know. (:
I am not ordinary! I AM EXTRAORDINARY!

What Were You Destined To Be? Your Result: Musician Your job is ment to be a musician.You will travel the world doing tours.You will become a music legend and people will love you for generations to come.
Comedian
Cartoon Creator
Actor
Teacher
Footballer
What Were You Destined To Be? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

WOW! musician!
That was one of my dream when i was in secondary school.
but i think it is drifting further and further lo.

What's your favorite color mean? Your Result: Pink pink- you're a girly girl. you live life happy and always have a positive attitude. guys adore you, but you can't keep a boyfriend long because other guys flirt and you flirt back. you're very flirtatious.
Yellow
Green
Red
Rainbow
Black
What's your favorite color mean? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

KAOS. indeed my colour is PINK.
BUT, i am not flirtatious and guys DON'T adore me!

What's Your Best Quality? Your Result: Out-Going Your best quality is out-going! People like you because you are fun to be around and no one ever knows what you will do next. Also you are not afraid to say or do whatever you want.
Personality
Ambitious
Sense of Humor
Loving
Intelligence
What's Your Best Quality? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

YES! THIS SURVEY IS PERFECT.
SO ME. :DD

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Creativity : Not fear but FAITH.

This was just what I told Adeline on the way to service yesterday.
And Pastor Tan spoke about it.
heh heh :p
I was saying that actually everyone has their creativity inside them.
Just don't be so minded by what people are going to say about it.
Sometimes people are just too self-conscious.
They are afraid of what people will comment.
Personally, I too have many encounters of people finding
my ideas,
-lame
-joke
-not for used
-shameful
-embarrassed
-not good
and etc..

But, I never once give up.
I really believe that creativity is built in me.
I believe there will be people are there who feels that my
creativity is worth something.
I feel that people should be bolder to share their thoughts.
Sometimes because you are too scared,
you may just think that you have totally ZERO creativity,
seriously, impossible.
There sure bound to be some.
it is just how much. (:

SO,

DUDES AND BABES OUTTA THERE,
UNLEASH THE CREATIVITY IN YOU :DD

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Angel

This name was given by prince to me (:
I held it really close to my heart.
It is really something that kept me smiling.
The moment I think I could be of a help in his life,
I really felt like an angel.
Maybe to many people, this word,"Angel",
when people called upon you,
you will just take it as a joke and forget about it.
But, to me, it is really something that warms my heart.
You never know how a wonderful-sincere word said to you
can change your day and even life.
I really appreciate all these days of contact with him. (:
He always say I made his day.
I should say we lifted each other's day eh?(:
Because your words are seriously WORDS OF AFFIRMATION!
YOU JUST MAKE MY DAY and END MY DAY well YESTERDAY!
Thanks so much eh!

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What is your True Fear? Your Result: Disappointment   You are a fun-loving, energetic, and cheerful person. You love adrenaline rushes, and going out at night. You constantly have to be having a great time to feel completely happy. Your biggest fear is not having anything to do, or having a huge disappointment/let down in your life. You hate being sad, and if something in your life suddenly went wrong it would be extremely hard for you to deal with. Just remember that everyone has to deal with hard times. Stay strong, and pretty soon your fun, party life will get right back the way it used to be.
Losing Someone	 
Being Alone	 
Where Your life is Going	 
Looked down on	 
Commitment	 
Death	 
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz ,

This is a quiz I went to Prince's blog and found it quite interesting.
So i went to do it.
So this is my result!
HAHA :D actually it is quite true. *LOL*
Fun loving, energetic and cheerful!
Isn't it SO TRUE?
HAHAHA -laughs-
Adrenaline rushes and going out at night!
YES! I love to go and play and be out in the night with friends!
I will stay strong though (:

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BBQ @ Kovan with the greatest people!
s33 + N234 + all the friends~

It is really a great BBQ and a successful ones.
I manage to talk to EVERYBODY!
like sooo soo WOOHOO?!
HAHAHA :D

Chee long sent me home as promised!
YAY :D sooo happy!
how happy will it be to make a new friend
who keeps his promise and really put it into action!
VERY MUCH APPRECIATED! (:

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Why are there always so many comparisons?

My mother will always compare me with others.
It really hurts especially she compare me with my best friend(s).
Compare my body shape,
compare my studies,
compare my status,
compare the amount of pay I have,
compare my walking style,
compare my study level,
compare compare compare!

Not just my family,
even the new people I met.
They will compare either.
Compare me with the girl friends I am with.
Compare body shape,
compare openness,
compare talking style,
compare attitude,
compare amount of smiles,
compare how one laugh,
compare how this and that.

Not just family and friends,
even teachers compare.
Compare results,
compare study attitude,
compare your facial expression,
compare how you write the words,
compare how you sit,
compare your life span of attention,
compare and compare and compare.

I really detest comparison.
It only makes me feel condemned.
Whenever I try to build my self confidence and self esteem,
comparisons will never fail to pull me down.
I think the reality will not be able to accept people
who are real in ALL their thinking and emotions.
And I find it very contradicting.
People claimed that they hate the masks people put on their
faces and fake their emotions.
However, the fact is that they themselves can't accept
the truth that people reveal & the true emotions that people show.
It just mark how selfish a person can be.

I think I am very naive.
The naiveness refers to my thinking that there is no truly
bad person in the world & everyone can be trusted.
How naive I can be?
This naive thinking was held close in my heart.
That is because I feel that everybody have a good and a bad side.
So no one will be totally bad.
I feel that everyone should have the chance to be trusted
even if he/she once cheated on others before.
I do not know why, but deep in my heart, I feel that
every person who cheated on others will really hope that
there will be that 1 person to believe in them.
I really don't want to judge them according to what they
ever done in their past.
I feel that they won't want people to look down on them
and compare them with people who have clean records.

I really don't like to be compared with people.
I do not want to lose that love in me and turn into a selfish person.
I don't want, really.


** I am just writing my feelings (:
*** I will lift it up to God and move on (:

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Spiritual :

1) Reach out to 5 friends.

2) Read through the whole bible.

3) Pray at least half an hour a day.

4) Bible study till victorious living.

5) Fast every Wednesday.

6) To be promoted to OM. =X


Personal :

1) Slim down 10kg.

2) Debt-free
- Pay all my bills and debts.
- No borrowing of money.

3) Get a good job.
-Currently waiting for the person to contact me on Mon for a job called QC(Quality Checks)

4) Save a total of $4,000,put aside for studies.

5) Try to put on fake eyelashes in replace of thick eyeliner.

6) No more AH-LIAN look.

7) Good countenance always.

8) To go into the next level of maturity.

Relational :

1) Forgive all the people who I used to dislike.
- Drop them a message of apology and tell them I am no longer angry with them and that
I have let go of the past.

2) Give my phone book's friends a goodnight message daily.

3) Do meet ups with friends at least once a week.

Cell group:

1) Step out of my comfort zone and mingle around with everybody in the cell group

2) Avail myself to help out in cg when needed.

3) Forge new relationships with one another not just Adeline and Shannon.

4) Be 100% accountable to Mingyao

5) Be teachable

Family :

1) BE a good testimony
- No more raising of voice
- Go home earlier like before 12am
- Buy / cook for them every sunday
- Help do the laundry
- Work and give them money
- Study hard and get my diploma cert.

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I so so want to get a diploma in make up in Cosmoprof Academy!
It costs $3,424.00 !
It costs a bomb!
But still I think it is the line I want to carve my career in.
I think there will be many people who will object this idea,
but for once, I just want to study the things I want to.
I don't want to live by people's comments and judgment anymore.
It is tiring.
I just want to pursue what I have passion in.


It is so important.
Important to keep you going,
makes your heart burn!
It just gives you the fuel to run further.


p.s I just want to keep on keeping on!

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This is a late post I wanted to post for a long time.
It is about the second time I went clubbing (:
Seriously, I did not have any fun.
Being watched like as if you were someone's burden doesn't feel good at all.
However,I think many couldn't understand.
Some say, "You think too much."
while some say, "Don't think so much la."
Sometimes I just want to go there and let down my hair.
I think in this modern society,
it is not easy to show your true self especially when there are so many people who are out there trying to find a chance to hurt you.
Sometimes, perhaps we had learnt to hide our true feelings too well that we lost ourselves, begin to be unsure of who we really are.
And that is when I think getting some drinks and dance in the club is the one of the easiest way to find out how you truly felt.
I feel that club is the place where people are more accepting and open to all types of people.
I know I am not good-looking, no one will want to tackle me,
but still, I can freely drink and dance the way I want.
No one will stop me, no one will say anything.
Perhaps because they could understand that we are just one of the lost soul who needs to do some findings of ourselves.
Seriously, I am not there to look for relationships or look at some kind of hunks.
I am just there to chill and have fun.
And to me, that is not a bad place.
Perhaps it is because I am too fat and ugly so no one will approach to want to know me as they aren't interested in me.
That's why I won't encounter much problems.
I remembered Juju was there together with Bestie, Best-Tee and me.
Quite some people approached Bestie and Juju.
So when Juju turned to me when approached,
I looked at them and say,"No."
I told her to tell them we are lesbians! :D
haha! what a way right? :)
I want to learn to dance!
Like those real nice and hot moves.
So what even if I am fat and ugly?
God was still blown away when He made me. (:
And I am satisfied.
I do not want to be always so unhappy with life.
Seriously, I feel that it just waste makes me waste my life away.
I do not want to shortchange myself anymore.
And I am moving forward (:

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如果我再也看不见明天の太阳。。。

世界依然会转，
时间依然不会停留，
四季依然继续流转，
彩虹依然有七种颜色，
雨依然会下，
雷依然会那么响亮，
云依然会飘，
太阳依然会从东边升起，
朋友の生活也依然必须继续走下去。。

没有了我，
不好の ：
可能少了些笑声，
可能少了些变脸动作，
可能少了些搞笑の话题，
可能少了一个朋友，
可能少了些糖果吃。。

但不要忘记，我从未是你の全世界。


好の ：
少了些麻烦，
少了些劝我の口水，
少了些不安の心，
少了些猜测，
少了些担心，
少了些愤怒，
少了些我の牢骚，
少了曾因为我而拥有の沉重の心情，
少了些怀疑，
少了些必须拥有才能推动我の力量。。

摆脱了我の控制，这算是一种解脱吧。。

却
多了快乐の时光，
多了发自内心の微笑，
多了一颗更强の心，
多了一些勇气，
多了一个理由让你更加必须好好の活下来，
多了很多可以轻松の日子，
也终于可以耳目清晰了。。

没有了我，是不是比较好呢？(:

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I went for work at Tung Lok today (:
I always look forward to working there.
The reasons are :

• The manager (Vincent) is nice to me.
• The supervisor (Guo wen) is also nice to me.
• The Uncle Pang is SUPER NICE to me.
• Xiu lian is always so loving to me.
• Adeline is there to work with me and hear my thoughts.
• People there are super friendly.
• I love service sectors.
• I got alot of praise and from there, i found confidence and love. Really felt being treasured and noticed. (:
• People there looks at the good side on me instead of the bad side.
• They love my smiles.
• They cherish me.
• They welcome me.
• They love me.
• They always render their help to me.

(: yes, it is that much.
they make me feel, i am no longer that shadow. (:
that makes me feel that i am treasured and wanted.
I am praised by the manager that i am super popular,
and demanded.
He followed me to the tables i go,
even if it wasn't me who take care of the tables,
the people will talk to me and smile.
He said he got blown away.
He said it once to me on the phone,
and today, he praised me in front of EVERYBODY! :D
WOOLA LA!! <3

AND,
i suddenly felt so infatuated with this guy,
gosh. i just can't get my eyes off him~!
GOSH GOSH GOSH!
he is nice, to me la!~ (:
he is 24 years old.
but he told me he is single.
and i asked him why,
he told me perhaps it was because of his high expectations.
SO,
i think, no chance already. sadded.
a chef wanted to get my number for very long already,
but i always have no time to give.
hahs. perhaps this is what i call, NO FATE.
but, they are nice people la.
Today, he told me,"Since i gave you my number mean we r fren ledy."
WOOHOO! friends le!!
no more just work relationship!!
YAY!! :D
okayys.. enough of 发花痴! :DDD



HAPPY BIRTHDAY SANDY & MARLIN! :DDD
Tons of love to both of you!
hope both of you enjoy your birthday! <3

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FINALLY,
I went clubbing. :D
POWERHOUSE! <3 size="5">
TOTALLYADDICTED!

This is my very first time.
Initially we were queue-ing at butter factory,
but it was a really LONG QUEUE.
after waiting for like 1 hours plus plus plus,
we decided to cab down to powerhouse instead.
There, was my kor and friends.
they were protective over ask.
he held my hands when he was leading the way,
my heart accidentally skipped a beat.
*i should not feel that way*
i hugged him.
my heart skipped another beat again.
*guilty*
i danced and danced. trying to pick up moves and enjoy.
but without alcohol, it is just not that easy.
So, i went to get the drinks.
At first, there was no kick,
but a few minutes later,
the kick came,
TADA! drunk!
& guesss what?
i lost my shoes.
so i was simply bare footed dancing the whole night!!
i went to the platform to dance,
and REALLY DANCE like CRAZY~! :D
the inner part of me was totally unleashed,
i guess i ran wild TOTALLY.
dance like never before! :D
it was super easy and natural for me.
I heard i fell down, and there the BALUKU on my head!
GOSH. it was REALLY painful okayy!!?
i think i was crazy.
i cried throughout and shocked some people.
adeline told me she was so shocked that
when she try to wipe my tears,
my tears seems to never stop flowing.
but seriously, i am really upset.
just that, i need to hide it and push it down my throat.
and this is seriously making my heart hard.
i can feeel like my heart is made of stone.
only sometimes to some people,
my heart become flesh.
sometimes, i bury so much that i find that i have lost myself.

okok!! back to clubbing stuffs..
i guess i made a fool of myself?
i heard that when denise was driving,
i went to open the door,
SERIOUSLY,
it was NOT in my memory AT ALL~
GOSH.
and what's more?
hmm. he drove me to yishun dam.
A REALLY NICE PLACE.
adeline and me were sitting there.
and there i am, still crying.
HAHA :'D
aftermath, i proceed on to linda's house.
After i woke up, the HANGOVER was MADNESS!!
The word,"Alcohol, vodka, tequila" and the sight of
anything that looks like it, even the nice glasses,
makes me PUKE!


Clement treated me for dinner at Vienna,
a super nice place which is at united square (:
a seafood buffet.
I love the food, really.
Thank you clement!! :DD

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I want my beautiful smile back (:









It hasn't been a good time for me.

Thinking that I will fail both Marketing and MA,
then proceeding to being kicked out of school..
is really a torture for me.
A thousand litres of tears cannot even describe this feeling of mine.

Have you ever had this feeling like,
you feel like giving up,
but you can't?
Stucked in the middle, standing there helplessly?
You feel like a wondering soul on the street while walking?
Have that whole chuck of emptiness filled with fear and helplessness?

That is how i feel now.

up at this early morning 5.30am,
having this fear in my heart,
so traumatize by it.

P.s : i am still struggling hard to surface up from the deep waters.

Today i went for dinner with Ade, Linda,Feli, Austin, Marlin, Mingyao and Prissy at Central.
I drank Heineken.
Well well, yes,thats the reason you are guessing why (:
I don't wish to elaborate, though (:
We went for Zone PM,
without any doubt,
it is really GREAT!
a really power up one!
We learnt to pray with our heart. (:
Mingyao spoke to me (:
For once, i spoke how i felt on the spot.
I think it was the effect of the Heineken? LOL!
Just joking, he was really patient in listening to me.
That was why i spoke.
For the first time,
i talked about how i felt boldly.
but still gasping for air to ease that fear in my heart.
I guess i need time.
really. i need solutions.
i need help.
i need a listening ear.
i need love. (:


p.s GODISNOWHERE.

how did you interpret that?
is it God is NO WHERE?

The actual meaning is..
God is NOW HERE! (:

Peace (:



-thousands of TEDDY HUGS just attacked you! ♥

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