B E . S T R O N G

yesterday was a good/bad day?
i don't know how to describe.
good maybe because i unleashed all my sadness
that i put in lots of efforts to bury into my heart
to put the biggest grin to the world wide world,
my brave front was totally teared off.
i know i felt horrible. i know i felt hurt.
but i just want people around me to find me someone
nice to be with (as in i am not those emos ) .
people seeing me emo says common thing like :
"Why?" ; "TSK.emo girl again." ; "jiayou." ;
"cheer la." ; "can you be more mature?" ;
but do you guys really know what i need?
i can say that i turn offs from such things already.
between the lines there is and should be much more meanings to it.
do not underestimate what hurt i met with,
or a tear that just roll down my cheeks.
i know i portrays a strong and cheerful type of girl
in front of all of you.
and now people will start saying,
"you can just be yourself."
ask yourself one question - can i really be myself?
are you sure you won't say things like :
"haiz.she is emo again." ; "sian leh."
i don't want to be outcasted as an emo.
i am tired of getting such responses anymore.
how many should i handle before you guys will stop,
slow down and acknowledge the pain of my life.
i am sick of debating about my hurts.
to think back, why did i have to go and debate
about my sadness when i am sad?
*smiles*
i am sad,you don't acknowledge and says that i am immature
and what, debating start.
you doesn't know behind this computer and angry words typed to you,
a girl is crying. i don't know how people think about me crying though.
i think i want to end about this part here and put a [.] to it.
I spoke to my parents yesterday night when i reached home.
i told them that , "一个家人的安慰可以胜过一千个朋友的鼓励。
for once i pour out all my feelings and no more just debating.
i say that, "爱我不是隐藏在心里就可以的。"
i told them i want them to tell me they love me.
this is what i really need.
my parents' love and understanding.
i admit that it is my parents' love that i waited for and seek for.
maybe all these while,my rebellious action is to get their attention?
this i am not really sure though.
but i know that deep inside me, it is them i really wants.
i want comfort from them. i want my home to not just be a place to sleep.
i want my home to have warmth and comfort.
i even told them who cheated me and how he cheated me.
something that i never thought i will ever tell them.
i even told them where he works and etc.
maybe at last i got the courage to pour my inner self out and be myself.
i think i have really been trying very hard to be a good girl.
to portrays that i am a problem-free girl.
well. it is until yesterday night. it shall not go on.
i don't want my sorrows to go on and neither i want to dwell anymore(:

thank you for seeing my nags(:
but it will be over soon.

T A K E N . B Y . S J J

T A K E N . B Y . F Q T

T H E . V E R D I C T

I L O V E Y O U

A . P A R T . O F . M Y . L I F E

0 comment[s] | back to top